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Chopping Block: Headline stolen by rival journalist
Ron Swanson
Roar Guru
11th February, 2017
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The NRL Auckland Nines. Photo: www.photosport.co.nz
Ron Swanson
Roar Guru
11th February, 2017
2
1042 Reads

News of the Warriors signing Tohu Harris resulted in a rival website which has the word ‘sports’ in its title, rolling out the ‘chopping block’ line.

Ray and I tried to contact the head of Google, Larry King, but once we got a hold of him we realised we had the wrong Larry. We are resigned to being shafted down toward page number 1,198, for future searches containing ‘chopping block’.

As a result of this despicable act, I had my work cut out trying to stop a fired up Ray from contacting Today Tonight and ACA producers to run an exposure piece on the journo.

Still he can’t take away from us our 2016 highlight in having one of the world’s biggest bands, Wang Chung, liking and sharing one of our articles on Twitter last year. To say it was a career highlight for both Ray and myself who both had ‘Do the Wang Chung’ t-shirts in the late 80s, would be an understatement.

Now it’s time to move on and review the week in sport.

Auckland Nines
Teams who don’t care about the prize money should be fined. Teams that name decent initial squads but rest so called big name experienced players, which then results in mug punters being stung, kicked things off.

The crowd figures didn’t help matters either, along with a poor showing from the locals led by the Kava King now first grade trainer.

What was bleeding obvious from the weekend is it’s time the Nines shifts to a new venue or format, with new teams. Possibly go back to adding International teams from the old sevens such as fan favourites the Russian Bears and USA Tomahawks could be a viable option.

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Highlights were Connor Watson showing his potential, Kalyn Ponga giving Knights fans a much needed boost, Jono Wright carving up his ex-employers, Kalifa Faifai Loa’s drop goal attempts in front, James Tamou showing way too much skill and speed and ousted from the Front Rowers Union, playing the drinking game ‘which one is Dave Klemmer’ and last season’s NRL flops the Bondi Chooks winning the title on the back of young Watson’s breakout performance.

Ray and I thought it was less enjoyable than previous versions and it either needs to go or needs an overhaul.

Jacob Saifiti, left, and Tyler Randell of the Newcastle Knights tackle Roger Tuivasa-Sheck of the Warriors

Davis Cup
With coach Rusty Griswold and that other obnoxious “role model for hard done by youth”, Bernard Tomcat, sparring in the media, it was great to see young Jordan Thompson debut and not take for granted the chance to play for his country.

What a debut it was too. In the past when either of the ‘Potential Grand Slam’ pork chops has pulled the pins due to not “liking” each other’s tweets or hashtags, we’ve been graced with Sam Groth, Thanasi Kokkinassis and Co – who have struggled.

Young Jordan looked like a seasoned Davis Cup veteran taking care of the top ranked Czech Jiri Vesely, who bases his game on his idol Yevgeny Kafelnikov, in the opener recording a straight sets victory followed by the other pork taking care of business in the next tie.

The key for Rusty is trying to manage and unify the pork chops before the next round starts against the more dangerous Septic’s, with rumours Donald Trump will be installed as non-playing captain so he can head down under and give it to Malcolm Turncoat in person.

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AFL women’s debut
Fans turned away in their 1000s, egg on several sceptics faces and to top things off everyone’s favourite team to loathe – Collingwood – being hammered by their arch rivals in the historic ever first clash. That was how the AFL Women’s opened.

It was a great way to announce the arrival of women’s AFL to the masses. It wasn’t without its problems though.

Poor old Gil looked like he was about to soil himself as he stood outside Ikin Park (named after Bears great Benny) by simply saying ‘I’m sorry’ before hastily retreating to his slapped up corporate area, picking up his half empty glass of Dom Perignon and finishing off his $3,000 a kilo rare Beluga caviar imported from Azerbaijan.

Can’t say he’s not earning his money!

Barba defecates on NRL and the Sharks
Ben Barba was slapped on the wrist with a 12-game ban. Take into account the ban Jarrod Mullen is about to cop and it’s clear as mud old common sense is a rarely used tool in this day and age! Those with short memories should not forget Barba is a serial offender.

The Sharks sort of got what they deserved for re-signing him and not hanging him out to dry. It was inevitable he’d show his true colours in ditching his punishment and taking the cash from a rich cashed up Comic tycoon responsible for such dribble as Asterix and Tin Tin (note zero research done, happy to cop flak from comic com nerds).

We’re all human and understand he needs to provide for his family, but let’s not paper over the cracks in his shock code switch taking a two and half year offer. Running away from his problems won’t solve them long term and what are the odds he’ll fall foul of the law in France – unless the town’s chief of police is Inspector Jacques Clouseau!

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Hadlee-Chappell: Did anyone watch the series?
The Black Caps regained the Hadlee-Chappell trophy after the Aussies previously did a number on their Kiwi rivals with a near full strength side.

Only days after the Chappell-Hadlee trophy had returned from the engravers’ the Black Caps took it back.

Did anyone watch any of the games?

Ray and I didn’t realise the return bout was on until reports filtered through of some ex-Sandgroper now Mexican import fellow called Stoners, nearly pulling off a DeKock, Bevan like performance, in the opener.

So what was the highlight for you punters over the weekend?

PS: We refuse to talk about the event that took place in Adelaide.

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