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With Cameron Smith now also handling Origin team selections, rugby league officials plan to save the hassle and grant him control of “pretty much everything”.
Smith has recently wedged Queensland selection duties into his brimming portfolio, resulting in Tim Glasby’s debut and a proposed ban on considering any talent in Sea Eagles matches.
This latest duty adds to his responsibilities as skipper of club, state and country, roles he performs in among his service as Players Association president and on-field one-man jury.
NRL officials have grown aware of Smith’s gradual monopolisation of rugby league, with most concerned his absurd vitality will see him inevitably outlive the game they so cherish to stuff around.
They are also troubled by the massive losses forecast on shipping costs as he further pillages their trophies, not to mention the expensive outlay to perform routine annual audits on the 2012 premiership.
As a result, officials plan to simply give him the keys to everything now and “call it even”.
This means Smith will finally be handed the reins officially at all levels of governance of rugby league, beginning with chairing the Match Review Panel, then overturning his own decisions as head of the judiciary.
He will take control of all NRL assets such as goal posts, referees and the remains of the giant Optus Vision TV, which in its current form draws a steady income as a bedsit on Airbnb.
In addition, Smith will assume rights to his rescinded 2007 and 2009 premierships, with record books to be retrospectively updated to reflect he ultimately stripped them from himself.
The handover will also result in the champion hooker receiving full shareholder rights to the Knights and the Titans, a package which is set to land him a windfall of at least 23 penny shares.
Smith may also take up the presidency of both clubs should he wish to attempt emulating an Eddie McGuire-style acquisition, however this will also require remodelling his image to be boorish enough for breakfast radio.
Furthermore, the 34-year-old will finally formalise current processes by assuming official control of The Bunker.
Speaking at the official handover, where Smith was presented with the NRL Headquarters’ WiFi password, CEO Todd Greenberg remarked he was “powerless” to finally ratify the Queenslander’s vice-like grip on rugby league:
“They manner in which Cameron was so hypnotically polite with his request, I was compelled.”