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Since we have just passed Good Friday I thought I’d provide a quick recap for those of you who haven’t played the crucifixion game for a while.
Start by selecting someone of prominence. The higher on the totem pole they sit in their respective field the better this will be for everyone.
Ideally we want to maximise the distance between the height of their success and the ground we’ll fling them back into.
Always begin with unbridled outrage and boiling anger. I really can’t stress this point enough. Any attempts at thoughtful reflection and nuanced thinking at this point could ruin the entire crucifixion.
The best crucifixion players know that staying angry is key, so they do a brilliant job of surrounding themselves with other angry people, strength in numbers folks, stay vigilant.
Proceed to vengeance. After all, what good is anger if it can’t be directed in a way that destroys someone’s life? The point is that people who aren’t us have done the wrong thing and they have to pay for it. Publicly.
Peg ‘em to the cross sticks. This is where crucifixion gets really good. Seriously, if you play this just right you could find yourself with a mouthful of easter egg goodness while watching the most glorious emotional pornography you’ve ever seen.
But before you celebrate early make sure you recruit everyone (and I really mean everyone) to the single task of creating a crucifixion climax.
To do this add the entire world’s media to one fallen star, then bring to bear the maximum possible amount of shame and guilt. If it can be arranged, do try and sprinkle in a close family member of said star. Now sit back and enjoy.
If you’ve played as well as you can you could find yourself enjoying something really special. At this point our frenzied work becomes all too much for any normal human psyche.
And so it is that the crucifix will raise in a torrent of tears and emotional splintering. All in time to the flash and crackle of the global media that devour the scene like rabid hyenas over a fresh carcass.
Novice crucifixion players often think this is the end of the game, but the truth is much more satisfying. Experienced players know that it is the lowering of the crucifix which marks the true catharsis.
It is only now we get to cast our eyes over the bloody mess of our creation and be filled with a deep reverence for our own humanity.
Now we forgive, now we help, now we empathise. Most importantly now we get to tell the world on social media that we are just the kind of people who forgive, who help, who empathise.
And so the crucifixion game goes.