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Opinion
Remember that average 70s American sitcom? The eight kids were tough for Dick van Patten to handle, like herding cats. Refereeing a rugby scrum is more than twice as hard.
Some scrums are silly-looking, such as three-a-side in sevens, though five-a-side scrums as in Brisbane tens are okay-ish.
League scrums are very silly, though with league speeding up, the need for that rest is all the more pressing.
Maybe now is the time for rugby league to complete the split from that other game, removing the penultimate illusion of a contest for possession, just leaving the endangered ‘one-on-one strip’.
Perhaps silliest of all is the union scrum, the unedifying sight of a code eating itself to please a crusty few.
(Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images)
Were scrums always that bad? I forget. At the top level these days there is so much weight, power, guile and skew that it’s a wonder any get completed. The poor and often ignorant ref has to guess which prop faceplanted first or – heaven forbid – allowed an elbow to rest on the turf.
As an aside, I don’t see why losing a bind should be a penalty. So your grip wasn’t strong enough, or your feet were too far back – seems to me that these are human frailties, not wanton law-breaking like being offside or boring in.
Is there a solution that will work? Maybe arrows on the backs of jerseys? Handles sewn into props jerseys?
There is a solution that has little chance of getting up.
Scrums and maybe even lineouts should be six-a-side. Seriously. Of course it won’t happen.
Consider compulsory voting. There are arguments both ways. Some might say elections should be decided by those who want to vote, that the votes of those who don’t want to be there should not decide an election.
Nothing will change because that would require bipartisan support. Rightly or wrongly, the consensus here is that optional voting would favour the coalition, so the Labor party would block it. Likewise, the Republican Christian right in America is good at mobilising its troops, so they won’t ever accept a switch to compulsory.
Perhaps six-a-side scrums is just a daft idea. It won’t happen because it won’t get multi-party support. There would be winners and losers. ‘Typical Aussie wants to shield their weak scrum from the tough stuff’. Followed by some comment about rugby league.
Talk about elephants in rooms. That’s the crux of the problem. Sixteen elephants in a confined space are way too many and endanger the future of the game.
When I was playing, rugby was promoted as a game for all shapes and sizes. The small kid played halfback if he had skill or as hooker if he didn’t. The fat props did nothing much beyond scrummaging. The fit guys were breakaways. The two who could jump highest became the second rowers, the skinny fast kids with clean gear were wingers. How things have changed.
Where is this heading? At the elite level rugby has become a game for 23 big, strong athletic men. There is simply too much weight and craft for a modern scrum to hold up. Like dropping a horse from a building compared to dropping a cat, it’s bound to get messy.
The only way to resolve this is to lose the flankers from scrums – or maybe make them bind 3-2-3, as in the very old days. Tightheads get pounded by a combination of hooker, loosehead and his flanker. ‘Scrum-straight Jo’ was able to make a beeline for the centre of the scrum partly because his flanker was headed for the same spot.
Too much force and too much skew.
Would we be left with league scrums? Not at all. Rugby tens is one variant too many, but there is still room for serious scrumming, particularly when you add a No. 6.
Would this mean the end of the colossus at tighthead? No, though we are already seeing more ball-playing props these days. Six on six would still be a good contest. A big, well-drilled sixpack will still be able to monster.
To be honest, I feel the same about lineouts. There should be a maximum of six on six for them as well to avoid the barroom brawl. Yes, that would also limit the Brumbies’ rolling try. Tant pis. (“He must be a precious Tahs supporter.”)
The downside is fewer set-piece backline moves with seven on seven.
Maybe six on six is just a bad idea but, seriously, something needs to be done before it’s too late.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.