There was jubilation this week as I flipped over the newspaper to find the words “troubled footballer”, “nightclub” and “urinate” co-located in a sentence! It was the perfect opportunity to bust out a team that a couple of mates and myself have selected and re-selected many times over the years.
With its genesis in some memorable cricket-related incidents, and too many contenders to stop at just five, I proudly present The Nitespots XI, Part 1. (Correspondence on the topic will influence next week’s selections, so don’t be shy.)
All Bar Nun (c)
As well as inspiring this list, this Canberra nightclub also sealed – or broke the seal on – Todd Carney’s place in the Top 5 Footballing Urinators. Filling out the starting side would be serial bad-boy Julian O’Neill (Jupiter’s Casino, allegedly), fresh-face Cameron Shepherd (roof of car in Glebe), Sonny Bill Williams (dark alley wall, Cronulla) and Jason Taylor (beer cup, SCG).
The Bourbon and Beefsteak (vc)
The first cricketing entry, this Sydney fleshpot hosted Ricky Ponting’s infamous black eye blackout in 1999. In hindsight, it was the end of the beginning for Punter, as he has matured admirably since. For this reason, we won’t select The Equinox in Calcutta, scene of an earlier Ponting transgression.
The Hip-E Club
While it is difficult to believe Greg Matthews prompted someone to punch him in the head, apparently it happened! All’s well that ends well, however, as Mo bounced back to ‘yeah-yeah’ fame and a spot on the Triple M’s Legset Dead-Ends. The Hip-E remains ‘Perth’s Grooviest Nightclub’.
The Ramsgate Hotel
Showdown XI quickly morphed into Showdown XI(a) when Port Power and Adelaide Crows players decided to interrupt their Sunday ‘recovery’ session to stage a good old-fashioned bar-room brawl. Evidently a fiery sermon that morning in the City of Churches.
The Coogee Bay Hotel
A better No.5 than Steve Waugh, this legendary beachside boozer has hosted shenanigans of all kinds over the years, but none more memorable than Craig Gower’s tackle-flashing turn in 1999: Irish tourists have lived in fear ever since. Dieu only knows what they make of him in France.
With thanks to Nicholas Gray and Bill Neild, who played the roles of Merv Hughes and Andrew Hilditch, respectively.
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