There was much to be excited about in last week’s round of games. The Denver versus Seattle game didn’t let anyone down, there were enough upsets to keep the waters muddied and the Messiah of Florida, Blake Bortles finally got to throw the pigskin around.
Week 3. 9/16. 0.563. If I was a baseball player I’d be in the hall of fame. Instead, the Big Dawg is trying to find some change left in my pockets to throw down on Week 4 NFL punting!
A slew of rookie quarterbacks got some legitimate game time last week, and there’s nothing that makes me happier than the young fellas getting a run around. Let’s see which young buck has a chance at winning this week.
There are a lucky 13 games to have the house on this week. Home teams listed first. Let’s begin.
Washington ($1.49) versus NY Giants ($2.68)
On Capitol Hill they held a special meeting of congress to simply stand and applaud Kirk Cousins. With Robert Griffin III almost officially on the scrapheap, the city has shown their new quarterback the love – metaphorically kissing its Cousins if you will.
He almost led the Washington Professional Football Team to victory over Philly, a city more known for sibling love, with a 427-yard, three-touchdown, one-pick game.
On the flipside that New York bum Eli finally had reason to smile after handing the Texans their first loss. Sadly for him, I think the hangdog returns as the emergence of Washington’s new family member continues with a win.
Tip: Washington Professional Football Team
Oakland ($2.70) versus Miami ($1.49)
Oakland is probably the third worst team in football but somehow kept things competitive with the Patriots in New England last week. After hitting the ground running in Week 1, the Dolphins are back to performing to their usual mediocre standard and the biggest question in sunny Florida is who will start at quarterback and when will Philbin be Phired.
There are enough retirees in Florida without one of them coaching a football team, so I’m hoping that the Raiders pull out the win, Tannehill is benched and Philbin is shown the door to make way for some fresh blood down in Del Boca Vista.
Tip: Raiders
Houston ($1.57) versus Buffalo ($2.49)
This is an interesting match-up because both teams are very similar. Both have good defences, useful running games, talented wide receivers and Keanu Reeves-level quarterbacks.
Philly Rive and the Chargers put a stop to the Bills momentum last week and I’ve previously mentioned Houston’s poor showing.
With both teams looking to bounce back, I think the key will be whether EJ Manuel’s floaters are worse than Ryan Fitzpatrick’s wayward bombs. Floaters are disgusting but wayward bombs can do some serious damage.
Tip: Texans
Indianapolis ($1.29) versus Tennessee ($3.75)
The Professor Andrew Luck put on an absolute clinic last week against Jacksonville, while Tennessee got trounced by the Bengals.
The Titans won’t be the only team to experience that fate this year, but they showed too little to think they can overcome the brains trust in Indianapolis.
Jake Locker refuses to be more than a serviceable handoff merchant and although Bishop Sankey sounds like he should be part of the Cool Runnings bobsled team he needs the Titans to be in front to gobble up yards. That won’t happen.
Tip: Colts
Baltimore ($1.54) versus Carolina ($2.56)
The Ravens seem to have put the past few weeks of off-field nastiness behind them and focussed on football. They edged out the Browns on the weekend and now face a Carolina team that was really, really disappointing last week in losing to the Steelers.
The game this week is about one player: Steve Smith. Number 89. Senior. The nastiest wide receiver in the league.
It’s going to hurt watching him fly around on Sunday in a Ravens uniform beating up on unsuspecting Carolina CBs and if he doesn’t get into at least one altercation with a defensive lineman then it’s time for him to give up the game.
Tip: Ravens
Pittsburgh ($1.28) versus Tampa Bay ($3.85)
So Tampa Bay probably would have had more success with Boomer Esiason last week. They were atrocious against the Falcons.
I’m instituting a new rule moving forward to always tip against teams from Florida. I’m starting to think that there’s something in the water down there. It’s clear that Florida is the Mumbai of America. Big Ben to get it done in Steel Town. Just how good is Le’Veon Bell!?
Tip: Steelers
Chicago ($2.03) versus Green Bay ($1.82)
One of the fiercest rivalries in the NFL is on display this week at Soldier Field however I for one am feeling a little underwhelmed. Chicago did what the Pack accomplished the week before and beat the Jets but neither the Bears nor Green Bay feel like a complete team.
Rodgers was ordinary against the Lions last week and his offensive line is not getting any better.
It’s hard to understand how the Packers are favourites for this game but it might have something to do with Chicago’s league-worst rushing game.
Green Bay are playing like they’ve been dipped in fondue, so I’m sticking with Kristin Cavallari’s husband to get it done at home.
Tip: Bears
NY Jets ($1.92) versus Detroit ($1.92)
The first genuine bookies coin toss of the season. The Jets have been competitive without ever convincing that they might win, which is basically like every team coached by Rex Ryan ever.
I long for the days of Dirty Sanchez running Team Green but sadly now it’s just Geno Smith left to wander the wastelands behind the Jets offensive line. I wonder whether Ryan ever got the ‘RR 4 MS’ tattoo removed?
In any case, there’s still enough to like about Detroit’s offense to make me think the Lions will get it done, just. Probably from a Geno safety.
Tip: Lions
San Diego ($1.11) versus Jacksonville ($7.00)
Finally, after over two weeks of waiting, the great white hope Blake Bortles made it onto the field and played the entire second half.
He even looked half decent out there because Blake Bortles is contractually obligated to only drink Vitamin Water TM and doesn’t touch the Floridian H20.
The Cyborg Philip Rivers keeps piling up victims and he’ll add a Jaguar scalp to his collection on Sunday. I think this game might get so out of hand that Philly Rive ends up sitting in the fourth and the Chargers let Danny Woodhead come out on crutches to play pitch and catch with Keenan Allen in a wheelchair.
They will still score. Pray for Blake.
Tip: Chargers
San Francisco ($1.39) versus Philadelphia ($3.13)
If you were a gambling man you’d look at the price for the Eagles and think it was on the juicy side.
A 3-0 team going against a 1-2 team at a new house that doesn’t quite feel like home yet. ColKap has forgotten how to play quarterback, the 49ers defence doesn’t have a pass rush anymore and the entire team is completely unable to play the second half of a football game.
It’s money for old rope! But wait, don’t be fooled. While they’re undefeated the dirty birds haven’t looked as convincing as one might hope.
Salt and Vinegar Chip Kelly will have a few surprises up his sleeve but for me, this is the week ColKap puts his tiny head on straight and rights the ship for the Bay Boys. If it isn’t, the 49ers are dead to me.
Tip: 49ers
Minnesota ($2.32) versus Atlanta ($1.64)
Matty Ice Bucket challenge had a field day against the Bucs last week, Devin Hester did Devin Hester-y things, and the Falcs will be up against only a slightly better team this week.
However, like the Jags, the Vikings have given hope to their fans by putting in young Tedrick Bridgewater to sling the ball around.
While we all know the move was brought about to keep the fan-base onside after AP was sidelined for whipping his son with a tree branch (Yeah, you read that right. Apparently folks do things different in the south.
At least that’s what Charles Barkley says) whatever the reason, we can all agree Big Ted behind centre is a positive thing for the world. Shame he won’t be handing the ball off to AP, good to know the NFL takes child abuse as seriously as domestic violence. Cough.
Tip: Falcons
Dallas ($2.35) versus New Orleans ($1.62)
I can’t get a read on either of these two teams. I’m fairly certain that they’re both bad but I’m not quite sure which one is the baddest.
New Orleans are pretty heavy favourites for a road team, so clearly the bookies think Murica’s team isn’t much chop. I tend to agree.
I’m always happy to pick against the Cowboys and they’d have to be playing one of the Axis of Florida teams before I’d feel comfortable going with Romo and co.
Tip: Saints
Kansas City ($2.63) versus New England ($1.51)
I have nothing good to say about this game. Watching New England this season has been painful and they relied on Vince Wilfork’s oven mitt hands to save them from embarrassment on Sunday against the Raiders.
On the other side of the field, the only interesting thing about Kansas City is Andy Reid waddling up and down the sidelines and trying to sneakily eat BBQ while he covers his face with a clipboard and pretends to call plays.
Alex Smith may be the least charismatic quarterback in the history of the NFL. New England wins this game because New England win football games but they should heed Sean Bean’s words; their winter is coming.
Tip: Patriots
Happy punting and god bless ‘Murica!
Hey, supercoach? Choose your own ultimate NFL team and compete with other players for cash prizes in daily competitions on any match. If you’re after the best odds on the NFL, PlayUp is your best bet. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.
The extraordinary episodes after his life as an American Football hero quite overshadowed the career of O.J. Simpson, who has died at the age…
The Kansas City Chiefs, steered brilliamtly at the end by star quarterback Patrick Mahomes, downed the San Francisco 49ers 25-22 in overtime to secure…
San Francisco 49ers will make their eighth appearance in the Super Bowl after a stellar season from a team stacked with real talent across the whole line-up.
The Chiefs are no longer strangers to playing matches in February. What was once a multi-generational 50-year drought has become an almost yearly tradition.
Daniel Faalele and Mitch Wishnowsky have kept their Super Bowl dreams alive, with Baltimore and San Francisco winning the divisional round playoff.
Six-time NFL champion Bill Belichick has agreed to part ways as the coach of the New England Patriots, bringing an end to his 24-year…
