Besides the whole thing about scoring more points than the opposition, the most critical aspect of footy is to always get your season away to a good start. Just ask those mighty fightin’ Knights of Newcastle.
So far in 2015, they’re flying like a lively Neville Bartos in BoJangles nightclub. Rating their spotless 4-0 record through the prism of rugby league’s short term memory, all of their ills from only six months ago are now buried under a layer of cure-all victories.
They’ve forgotten about Wayne Bennett, changed the locks to keep out Nathan Tinkler, plus rediscovered their blue-collar roots, and what’s resulted is some enterprising ball-art that pleases the optic nerve of every fan while keeping the opposition at bay.
No doubt, they’ve turned the corner. Forever.
However, I want to give the Knights a friendly reminder. Like an intestine full of chilli dogs and triple-shot lattes, the ever-shifting economy of NRL credibility is volatile. Real volatile.
Today’s Newcastle can quickly become tomorrow’s South Queensland, such is the untrustworthy foundations underfoot. All it takes is a few losses, followed by a few more. Remember these princes-turned-paupers from the modern era?
North Queensland Cowboys – 1998
Before becoming the misfiring powerhouse of the modern day, the Cowboys used to guarantee us all a winner in the tips each week as the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked.
So you can imagine the fervour in the tropics when they slingshotted out of the gates in 1998 with four straight wins, all done without the aid of a talismanic halfback (no offence, Jason Ferris).
However, when they found themselves in the unfamiliar surrounds of equal first after six rounds, it was all too much to take. They recalibrated with five straight losses, and from here, they never recovered.
They tied up their campaign nicely with a 62-0 towelling at the hands of Norths in the final round, leaving them in fifth-last, or 16th place, whichever brings you more mirth.
Penrith Panthers – 1999
Let’s be honest. Except for a solitary Winfield Cup and a generous dispatch of Brad Fittler and Phil Gould to the Roosters mid-decade, the Panthers didn’t give anyone much during the 90s.
Nevertheless, they paid tribute to one of the great party pop tunes by saving their best for 1999. Unfortunately, this was followed with another ode to the genre when they rapidly plummeted down the charts.
After sitting pretty in second with six wins after eight rounds, the losses began to repeat like a bad GIF, and Prince’s infectious ditty was never heard in Reactor One nightclub at Panthers ever again.
Wests Tigers – 2000
Sydney’s most momentous sporting moment of the year 2000 was when John Skandalis thundered over for the first try in the blissful union of the Wests Tigers. Such was the moment’s emblematic significance, fans of the franchise were forgiven for assuming they would win the next 15 premierships.
Fast forward to Round 16 with the team positioned in second spot and excited expectation had become boredom. It seemed that the fusion of two working-class superpowers had created a team far-advanced of its challengers and that a maiden title was a fait accompli.
Then due to a feuding board, the team lost eight of its last ten to sink to the bottom like a snitch chained to an engine.
Canberra Raiders – 2005
With Jason Smith leading from the front in his trademark distributor role – this one lawful – Canberra found themselves shocking the world as joint competition leaders in Round 10 of 2005.
At this point, everything went to dreck as they switched roles from hunter to hunted. Their patented underrated pack slowly softened like a Fanta sandwich, and the chicanery of the evergreen croaker evaporated as the gaspers took hold.
What resulted was a shocking tailspin of losses that no amount of Furners could save. There was no September.
North Queensland Cowboys – 2006
After qualifying for their maiden grand final appearance the year prior thanks to a stock Eels choke in the prelim, irrational expectations of world domination were placed on the Cowboys in 2006, and they uncharacteristically delivered early with six straight wins to open the season.
From here though, they slowly faded to uber-stank, with Fortress Dairy Farmers/Stockland/whatever turning brittle and the late great Graham Murray going all Murray Hurst.
Despite a roster packing firearms like Shane Muspratt, Brett Firman and the wonderfully interchangeable Justin Smith, they only managed another five wins. They finished excruciatingly in ninth and missed the finals for the first time since 2003, saving the game’s administrators from the effort of orchestrating a referee blunder to eliminate them from the playoffs.
Gold Coast Titans – 2008
It’s hard to believe, but there was a time when the Gold Coast Titans were an organisation known mostly for rugby league.
In 2008, they flipped the bird to the AFL by taking hold of the booming region with six wins after seven rounds. It left them in pole position, sending their nine fans and the NRL in to wild raptures as they dreamed of premiership glory and poaching Gary Ablett.
Then, in true calamitous Gold Coast style, Scott Prince broke his arm, most probably falling out of the bath inside his unsubstantiated Broadwater condo. From here, they crashed for a 13th place finish, which in current circumstances would be considered a massive overachievement.
Canterbury Bulldogs – 2002 and Melbourne Storm – 2010
While not in the same lovable fumbling doofus-style of those above, these two deserve mention for the spectacular nature of their AAA-rated implosions.
After winning the 2009 trophy, the workaholic purple premiership-eater started 2010 in typical fashion, boring the shit out of everyone with four wins on the trot to sit in their rightful position at the top. As for the 2002 Bulldogs, they lashed all comers on a 17-game streak to be country kilometres ahead. They were both on their way to wrapping up titles before smoko.
Then there was some mildly inquisitive journalism, some lazy document management, a duplicate invoice book and a boat, and you know the rest.
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