Storm v Dragons. Etihad Stadium, Melbourne. Friday 2.10pm. This game is like Mr T taking on Chuck Norris: they are both so strong and void of weakness, they could play for a week and still not deliver a winner! Draw
Roosters v Broncos. Sydney Football Stadium, Sydney. Friday 8.35pm
Former Bronco legend, Alfie Langer was caught drink driving during the week after a wild night of drinking and dancing on tables. Whilst the drink driving is inexcusable, many are up in arms over the photos of Alf dancing on the table dressed nothing but his undies and a smile, but the real story is yet to be revealed, until now. Round Review Ninjas have discovered that Alfie has actually been studying interpretive dance for some time now, and was merely showing his talents to anyone who would watch. His performance was actually a moving tribute to the Broncos, with his intoxication designed to interpret how they defended last week, and each item of clothing representing the amount of tries the Nags will run in this week. Chooks by 20.
Sharks v Eels. Toyota Stadium, Cronulla. Saturday 5.30pm
In an act of tight sphinctered-ness reminiscent of the Grinch that stole Christmas, Sharks Coach Ricky Stuart has attempted to spark his players to lift by giving the Team a gift. The excitement was building after Stuart called the entire team into the sheds and pulled the covers off the ‘heart-felt’ present to his charges. Unfortunately, the gift Ricky had picked out was in fact Tim Smith, which is the equivalent of giving someone a lump of coal, only, a lump of coal would be better suited to the Sharks number 7 jersey…Eels by 97.
Cowboys v Titans. Dairy Farmers Stadium, Townsville. Saturday 6.30pm
Cowboys speed merchant, Ty Williams had a visit from his fairy God Mother during the week, during which he pleaded with her to wave her magic wand and make him a fullback. So, being the good fairy God Mother she is, the wand was waved and, in a puff of smoke, Williams emerged with the #1 on his back. Sadly, he didn’t hear her mumble ‘April Fool’ under her breath as she left. Titans by 6.
Raiders v Tigers. Canberra Stadium, Canberra. Sunday 3.00pm
The Vatican is abuzz with news that Tigers Superstar, Benji Marshall is about to be anointed as a Saint by the Pope himself after this game. Benji has very nearly checked all the criteria, and, after performing in a God-like manner last week, needs just one more miraculous performance to be the happy recipient of the funny hat. The Pope and his posse are currently in transit to the Nation’s Capital, where the Pope mobile will be ready and waiting for full time to bring Benji’s latest miracle to a close. Tigers by 36.
Warriors v Sea Eagles. Mt Smart Stadium, New Zealand. Sunday 4.00pm
Many, including the team at Round Review HQ, were surprised with the remarkable turnaround in form from Eagles turnstile, Tony ‘T-Rex’ Williams. We were so enthralled as to what had inspired the big fella that we tracked him down for an exclusive interview, during which he revealed that his two seasons of appalling form was all due to a misunderstanding. After being dubbed T-Rex, Williams thought it was only fair that he did his bit to live up to his nickname, only, not being the most intelligent morsel, he played like he was fossilized. Since having some books on Dinosaurs read to him, Williams has now taken on a far more menacing T-Rex persona, which spells bad news for the Warriors. Eagles by 18.
Knights v Panthers. Energy Australia Stadium, Newcastle. Monday 4.00pm
The Knights have been linked with Panthers prop, and Tiger traitor, Daine Laurie, and are keen to secure the services of the dreadlocked tear away. Considering he is on the outer at Penrith, after playing a grand total of ZERO first grade games, and the Panthers aren’t exactly distressed to see the back of him, Penrith Coach, Matt Elliott has arranged with the Knights’ hierarchy for the winner of this game to gain the services of Laurie. Elliott’s mischievously dastardly plan is for his Team to play poorly and throw the game in order to rid themselves of the nasty case of Laurie-syndrome they’ve been carrying for months. Unfortunately, Matt isn’t exactly the greatest Coach. Panthers to win by 12,and remain stuck with the Great Daine.
Rabbitohs v Bulldogs. ANZ Stadium, Sydney. Monday 7.00pm
Dogs flyer, Josh Morris, will miss this game after being admitted to a rehab clinic for a serious addiction that the Club has been trying to keep under wraps all season. It seems that the results of last Sunday’s shellacking of the Roosters finally tipped poor Morris over the edge, and he has been whisked away to Tuqiri-vale Springs Rehabilitation Centre, a little known facility that specializes in try scoring addictions. Morris’ team mates will be looking to put on a show for their embattled Mate, Dogs by 50.
Reckon you can pick the winning team? Build your own dream team with Draftstars daily fantasy and compete on any match. For great odds on the NRL head on over to PlayUp. Imagine what you could be buying instead. Set a deposit limit.
An NRL clause has come to light, stating that if a player is selected for a representative team and withdraws, the players agrees they…
South Sydney have given Lachlan Ilias permission to look elsewhere, as the NRL confirmed it had the power to block any attempt by Latrell…
If there was ever a testament required to the success of the New Zealand Warriors, we might have seen it this last weekend passed.…
If people can lose their job, and clubs can face massive payouts, due to the behaviour of coaches, it will drastically change the way sporting teams in Australia will be run.
All the team list information for Round 9.
Many rugby league aficionados like Matthew Johns are saying this NRL season is the best year there’s been. Comparing seasons throughout the years is…
