Titans v Eagles. Skilled Park, Gold Coast. Friday 7.35pm. The Titans have decided against playing the Eagles in an attempt to get a reasonable crowd to the game.
In place of the Peninsula’s finest will be an All Star Team, made up of Tax Office Officials, Politicians, Jehovahs Witnesses and obese nudists, because people would much prefer to see any of them over Manly. Titans by 8
Cowboys v Raiders. Dairy Farmers Stadium, Townsville. Saturday 7.30pm
The Cowboys will take to the field wearing a special strip in a one-off advertisement to commemorate their current form. Given the Team’s penchant for rolling over and playing dead so convincingly, they’ll be known for one night only as the North Queensland Golden Retrievers. Raiders by 40.
Knights v Warriors. Energy Australia Stadium, Newcastle. Sunday 2.00pm
The Knights just can’t take a trick at the moment. After a rough few weeks, the Club decided to arrange a bonding session for the players in an attempt to keep them close during the tough times. After much deliberation, they selected a spot of ten-pin bowling as the perfect solution.
After a promising start to the evening, things turned sour when Corey Patterson wasn’t paying attention and picked up an unusually large bowling ball without looking, before tossing it down the lane at a rapid rate of knots.
Imagine Corey’s dismay when he turned around to a grissly scene, and realised that what he had just scored a strike with was actually Ben Cross’ head! Warriors by 4
Broncos v Rabbitohs. Suncorp Stadium, Brisbane. Sunday 3.00pm
Rabbitohs Hooker, Isaac Luke, has been rubbed out of this game after being suspended for a late shot last week. Realising the importance of compensating for the loss of Luke, the Rabbitohs have found the perfect replacement.
Much like Luke, he is a proud New Zealander, small in stature, lacks any sort of taste, and is liked by very few people. The only problem the Bunnies have now is finding a jersey small enough to go around a Kiwi Fruit? Broncos by 8
Storm v Roosters. AAMI Park, Melbourne. Monday 7.00pm
After the Roosters woeful performance last week vs the Sharks, stand in Captain for this week, Braith Anasta, was asked exactly what the reason for the below par showing was.
Braith let us in on a little secret by saying that the Boys wanted to show their support for halfback Mitchell Pearce’s Origin call up, and they all decided that the best way to do that was to play to the standard that New South Wales have set over the past few years.
Sure, they’re supportive, but these Chooks aren’t real bright. Definitely not the free range variety! Storm by 20.
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