Since its inception in 2014, a cheeky friend of mine has regularly criticized the FFA Cup.
Unlike you, my fellow football fans and Roar readers, I happened to attend a sneak preview of tomorrow’s A-League Grand Final. Don’t stress. I won’t give it all away.
For those of a nervous disposition then I suggest you look away now and do something useful; like reading the form for today’s tricky Doncaster Handicap and leaving your tip in the comments section.
For those that are still here, I have got good news.
The final will be everything you expect: action packed, full of tension, with unexpected twists and even moments of high farce. Pretty much like the A-League season just past, but in a neater 90 minute format…or is that 120.
The setting is also a familiar one. A vibrant Suncorp Stadium filled with 20,000 Brisbane Roar fans and 30,000 extras who happen to turn up once a year dressed in orange.
The beginning, however, will leave you reeling as pre-match entertainment Brisbane supergroup Custard Regurgitator appear on stage in t-shirts bearing the Football of Australia logo.
Big, bad Clive Palmer strikes again.
But to make matters worse, he gets them to rework the lyrics to Custard’s classic single “Music is Crap”.
“Football is crap, aliens told me so; Better than that, were gonna let you know”
A helicopter then lands on the pitch to rescue the band from the clutches of the FFA.
Meanwhile, in the Perth Glory dressing room, Ian Ferguson is giving his final instructions to his battle hardened warriors.
“OK lads, you know what to do. We all watched the video yesterday. Now remember, we are Chelsea and they are Barcelona. They are going to play us off the park, they will hit the woodwork a couple times, miss some sitters and good ‘ol Danny here will pull off some great saves.
“Jacob all have to do is kick Mitch Nichols off the ball, pass it to wee Liam and he’ll set up Smeltzy for our only shot and the winning goal.”
“We’ll be champions and I’ll be getting a phone call from Roman. Stamford Bridge here I come!”
The two teams take the field, a football match is played and the winner is crowned champion of the A-League.
But who wins and how?
Will it be Brisbane Roar going back to back or Perth Glory winning their third national championship?
As I said before, I don’t want to give it away.
But I will leave you with this.
In the final scene Ange Postecoglou jumps on the podium, grabs the microphone and dedicates a song to his players, his staff and the Brisbane fans.
In his best Frank Sinatra voice and with a tear in his eye he sings ….
“Regrets I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention; I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption; I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway; And more, much more than this, I did it my way.”
Athas Zafiris is on Twitter @ArtSapphire