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While waiting around until stupid o’clock to watch the Kangaroos play on Sunday morning footy fans are sure to take a peek at the New Zealand versus England RLWC semi-final.
This begs the question, who the bloody hell are we supposed to cheer for?
Yes, the choice between supporting Kiwi and Pom is an age-old problem that has haunted Australian sports fans for a couple of hundred years now.
Essentially they are both our big and little brothers on the world stage, and as the middle child Australians have many great reasons to dislike both.
Hence, to help you decide I’ve cast my eye over both outfits and analysed a range of key selection criteria to find out who is the least unlikeable.
Coaches
They say a team irritates from the head down, so the respective coaches are a good place to start.
The Kiwis have Stephen Kearney putting out the witches hats, who for most Aussie NRL fans is a bit like the sad looking donkey at the petting zoo – i.e. someone to feel a little bit sorry for rather than hate.
On the other hand the English are being run by Steve McNamara, who has to date managed to wear an expression suggesting that the Burgess Brothers are using up all his hotel’s hot water, or that he just needs more fibre in his diet.
While a New Zealand loss would probably just elicit a measured “such is life” response from Kearney, you just know it would cause McNamara to fly into a bitter, manic, hilarious tirade at the press conference.
Choice (bro) = NZ
Players
Casting an eye over the two teams it is chalk and Mainland cheese.
Everywhere you look in the Kiwis there are young, exciting, well-spoken players, and if it wasn’t for the mountain of anger that is Jared Waerea Hargraves you’d think they’d picked the team on post-footy media career potential alone.
While England do have their share of ‘good guys’ to cheer on as well, their boofhead forward pack and their niggling ways make cheering for them a bit like cheering for the hired goons in a Batman comic.
Choice = New Zealand
History
While England/Great Britain/Northern Union xiii can be considered Australia’s long time traditional foe, history shows that they haven’t won a major rugby league tournament since before Benny and Bjorn got a couple of Swedish lasses together to help form a popular music quartet.
New Zealand on the other hand have managed to kick Australia in the yarbles when it’s mattered most on a couple of occasions recently, and therefore should be the ones Australians hope to see trying to flag a cab to Heathrow on Sunday morning.
Choice = England
Sympathy
Despite holding the reigning World Champ status it is still possible to feel sorry for New Zealand, what with their sailing and football teams falling spectacularly at the final hurdle recently and other rugby league nations pinching their players.
But, with the World Cup being staged in England, even the most cold-hearted Limey loather (i.e Phil Gould) would have to feel a pang of sorrow if the English are once again bundled out before the big one.
Choice = England
Sledging
The most important thing to consider of all.
Who would you rather sledge at work on Monday morning, Dennis from Doncaster or Neil from North Harbour?
It’s fun to take the mick out of both I know, but if you had to mercilessly mock one nation of supporters for four years could you choose between the two?
Sadly, I don’t think I can split the two.
Choice = Tie!
So there you have it folks, a verdict that I’ll have to refer to the square in the air (or Roar readers anyway).
At least the winner for the match will be easy to pick.
Why, it’s obvious of course…rugby league!
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