For the uninitiated, ‘Dullsville’ is Perth’s ignominious moniker. Despite boasting beautiful beaches, lush greenery dotting its sprawling landscape and pristine weather, Perth can’t unshackle its staid stereotype.
But during the WACA Test match, Perth’s sedateness was pricked by the English invasion.
They were seemingly everywhere and easy to spot, being garbed in either English cricket or an English Premier League team’s attire.
Each fan’s facial colour was akin to Western Australia’s outback terrain of red dust. Sunburnt and dishevelled figures trudged around Perth’s streets in abundance.
The Army was not so barmy. Watching their beloved England cricket team implode for the third consecutive match to relinquish the urn they seemingly were strangling one month ago had consigned the Barmy Army to the doldrums.
How did the Ashes, widely expected to be a competitive affair, become so lopsided? How is the series over before Boxing Day?
Pre-series, most predicted an English victory based on their edge in experience and continuity. England brimmed with a bevy of star players, who had consistently performed for the Three Lions for a seeming eternity.
Conversely, Australia was reliant on erratic players – David Warner, Shane Watson and Mitchell Johnson – for success, cricketers who historically had struggled when the pressure was amplified.
Instead, Johnson morphed back into the intimidater that stormed world cricket during the Australian summer of 2008-09, while Warner’s batting has finally matured to the point where he now can realistically replicate the deeds of Matthew Hayden – taunting the opposition both with willow and tongue.
Watson, forever ridiculed by all and sundry, provided the final exclamation point on the series with a fourth morning batting destruction on Graeme Swann and James Anderson to finally translate his damaging limited-over batting into the Test arena, albeit when the pressure had ceased.
But his accurate and steady bowling has always been probing, showcasing his value to the Australian set-up as a genuine all-rounder.
I’ve always firmly believed Watson has been over-rated with bat, but under-rated with ball. If Phil Hughes can seize his inevitable Test recall down the track, Watson’s destiny will be at number six, despite his penchant for facing the harder ball when fresh at the crease.
Australia’s success hasn’t just been consigned to the eclectic trio. Everyone played their role. It was the ultimate team performance.
Brad Haddin, who may be drinking from Mike Hussey’s anti-ageing potion, has had a series for the ages. Michael Clarke was, well, Michael Clarke. Steve Smith scored a century during difficulty to quash England’s early third Test momentum.
Even the eternally overshadowed Chris Rogers and newbie George Bailey chipped in with useful contributions when required.
The Ashes series is likely to be indelibly remembered for the redemption of Mitch Johnson. His spells in Brisbane and Adelaide will part of Ashes lore for eternity.
But Australia’s attack was no one-trick pony. Clarke possessed a versatile, feverish and uncompromising unit.
Ever the team man, Peter Siddle sacrificed glory for grunt work, while relishing spooking Kevin Pietersen, who has been an intimidater at the crease against everyone not named Peter Siddle during his scintillating international career.
Nathan Lyon, forever dismissed as an innocuous trundler, keeps chiming with valuable wickets. His scalp of a well-set Alastair Cook late on day two, just when England was poised to muster an imposing score, reinforced his knack of claiming important wickets through guile.
During the Perth Test, Mark Taylor said he believed Ryan Harris was a modern prototype to West Indian great Malcolm Marshall, arguably the standout from the Windies’ fearsome attack in the 1980s.
Initially, it seemed Taylor succumbed to Channel Nine’s propensity for ludicrous hyperbole, but the former Australian captain is more astute than some of his more outlandish colleagues.
With more reflection, I’m thankful Taylor uttered the comparison to a worldwide audience. Harris deserves to be exalted with the ilk of Marshall because I fear, eventually, Harris will likely be forgotten. We will never know if Harris could have reached Marshall’s standing.
At 34, and with only 19 Tests under his belt due to a late bloom and injury problems, Harris has been Australia’s most complete bowler since McGrath. An average of 22 with a strike rate of 47 confirms that.
By Test career end, Harris will probably have played 30-odd Tests, and taken perhaps 125 wickets, hardly earth-shattering statistics in a sport easily dictated by numbers.
But, I fancy, those who watched Harris’ heroic efforts during back-to-back Ashes series will never take him for granted.
In contrast, England’s Australian sojourn has been a nightmare. Lady luck has escaped the team, exacerbated by three straight losses at the toss.
Their renowned stability was rocked by the sudden departure of Jonathan Trott after Brisbane.
England repeatedly threw away good starts on day one in each of the Tests, unable to penetrate Australia’s middle and lower order before disintegrating when their turn came to bat.
By the end of day two, an Australian victory has been inevitable.
England’s ageing stars appear battered and fatigued, as if the endless grind over the last few years combined with Andy Flower’s hard taskmaster approach, has finally become too unbearable.
Matt Prior’s prolonged failure with bat has also eroded his wicketkeeping and he appears a likely causality for Melbourne.
Pietersen, Anderson and Swann could be all on the downhill slope. Champions deserve faith, and the trio will be backed-in, but for how long?
A new generation of stars need to emerge and fortunately for England Joe Root and all-rounder Ben Stokes are two youngsters destined to be at the forefront of a rebuild.
Pressure has intensified on Alastair Cook, whose rigid captaincy buckled against Clarke’s flair. Already some believe Cook is culpable and should be removed from the gig.
But there’s no logical successor and Cook deserves more time to mould a team and hone his skill. It’s an opportunity to reassess his ethos and perhaps tinker with style.
Ultimately, for better or worse, this could be the series that shapes Cook’s captaincy legacy.
Due to Perth’s stifling heat during the Test’s duration, many English supporters escaped the WACA furnace to find relief at any of the plethora of watering holes located nearby.
Unfortunately for the suffering supporters, not even copious amounts of alcohol could wash away the apparitions of England’s Ashes campaign.
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