Somehow, I’m actually still scratching my head, England trumped pathetic previous performances with an atrocious capitulation to meekly hand Australia a 4-0 lead during their fourth Test debacle.
Here’s the dirty little secret – for cricket lovers removed from fandom, the much-hyped and beloved Ashes series has been a massive disappointment for its non-competiveness.
In contrast, the concurrent series between India and South Africa has been riveting, showcasing the great hallmarks of tough, tight Test cricket.
For non-myopic Aussie cricket connoisseurs, it’s a travesty dud series continually plague the Australian summer.
This millennium, only the South African (2008-09 and 2012), Indian (2003-04 and 2007-08) and New Zealand (2011) series have been anything other than one-sided yawn-fests.
After lopsided matches during the opening three matches, it appeared the hallowed MCG was going to be the site of an enthralling encounter, albeit belated with the Ashes having already been decided.
England fought back with disciplined bowling during a dominant Day 2 – their best day of the series – and after lunch on Day 3, they seemed in control of the match with a lead over 100 and a full complement of wickets in hand.
A mere 24 hours later, England, pummelled and beaten, were humiliated by eight wickets as Australia strolled to the 231 target in what should have been a tricky chase.
It was like watching a high-speed car crash in slow motion. It was inevitable, yet horrific. Having witnessed the stunning shift in power throughout the series, England’s fragility was always imminent.
Despite boasting the advantage for large chunks of the game, courtesy of a dubious decision by Michael Clarke to bowl first, England’s shredded self-belief always loomed liked the notorious thick dark clouds dotting the skies in the Old Dart.
They literally threw away the initiative by gifting wickets to a jubilant Australian team, who even expressed difficulty in containing their surprise at England’s ineptitude (cue Mitchell Johnson’s shocked expression after catching a sleepwalking Ian Bell first ball).
I continue to maintain Nathan Lyon is an under-rated bowler because of his knack for claiming key scalps but it is staggering the number of wickets he has taken through shameful strokes from England’s bereft batsmen.
England’s bowling unit, which performed with gusto and purpose on Day 2, was comatose in the second dig, exacerbated by clueless captaincy from Alastair Cook.
Journeyman Chris Rogers became another Aussie to stamp his authority on the series, obliterating the hapless English bowling as if he was in the park having a casual hit.
Even the eternally maligned and perennially injured Shane Watson has been able to replicate his irresistible shorter format form during the past Two Tests when pressure has been stymied.
Simply, there have been no positives from this shameful tour for England.
Ben Stokes has shown he is a talent and should be persevered as a genuine all-rounder but, at this tender stage, still needs plenty of nurturing highlighted by his abysmal dismissal in the second innings during a period where brain over brawn was required.
Of course, Stokes was not alone lacking responsibility and sensibility.
Michael Carberry and Joe Root – two inexperienced Test players – seemed set to be silver linings for England after encouraging performances earlier in the series.
Carberry’s propensity to be anchored at the crease, combined with Root’s nervousness has propelled England to continual calamity.
The cause is well and truly lost, but it still staggers that Ian Bell – England’s best batsmen this year with all the attributes to be a successful number three – wasn’t promoted up the order after Jonathan Trott left the tour.
England’s lower-order have folded faster than an origami expert.
Despite the shameless manufacturing engineered by Channel Nine, television personality Piers Morgan showcased more courage during the over he faced Brett Lee than the combined entirety of the England team.
Ok, that may have been a blatant stretch of hyperbole but you get the gist.
Cook’s turgid captaincy is under the microscope, particularly from positivity advocates Messrs Warne and Chappell, but what alternatives does England have?
Bell?
(Gulp) Stuart Broad?
Surely, Cook’s captaincy can’t get any worse, right?
It is testament to England’s mediocrity that it is hard to truly gauge this Australian team. Is Australian cricket really back? Can they climb back to the top of the Test tree? Is this mishmash of a batting order for real?
Fortunately, we’ll find out when they venture to South Africa in February.
Meanwhile, England and their sunburnt army of fans can’t wait to flee this miserable tour.
Build your own fantasy cricket team and put it to the test with Draftstars daily fantasy competitions. Pick your match, pick your team and watch the points roll in to take out cash prizes on each match. What are you really gambling with? Set a deposit limit.
With Rajasthan needing 25 off 17, both batsmen ended up at the same end but the bowler dropped the throw from his teammate -…
A six-laden, 27-ball 84 from Jake Fraser-McGurk to continue his outrageous debut IPL!
Johnny Bairstow has hit his way back into form with a 45-ball century as he steered his side to a record-breaking win, easily chasing…
It seems franchise cricket has forgotten about the great battle between bat and ball. In fact, this season in the IPL there is no battle at all.
The mammoth rise of Jake Fraser-McGurk - his enormous potential and the destructive shot-making that he possesses makes him a very tempting option.
Xavier Bartlett has been permission to extend his cricketing education with a spell of T20s in England, playing in the Blast competition for Kent…
