Before the Waratahs took the field on Saturday night, they were addressed by their wise and masterful tactician Michael Cheika… with a Kim Jong-il lookalike cartoon.
Numerous seasons of playing with the galloping greens, countless coaching insights from overseas crusades in the Heineken Cup and years of research from all over of the rugby world culminated in one enlightened and astonishing display.
A stick figure.
Not a whiteboard, outlining a clinical game plan. Not a past player, presenting a jersey. Not even a tear-inducing poem.
But a cartoon, and one that was tagged on the back of a poster. Take that NSWRU marketing!
This is not the first time such pearls of coaching wisdom have been revealed to the rugby public.
On their 2013 European tour, the Kiwi’s pregame secrets were pounced upon by some UK journalists with way too much time on their hands.
The journos revealed several World Cup winning strategies: “maintain composed breathing”, “aim for the outside shoulder” and “remember you are the world champions”.
We upped them with a stick figure.
The coach’s artwork was not of a dissimilar standard to that which presents itself when you sit down in an all-boys high school chair and discover a phallic symbol oh-so-cleverly traced before you in white-out.
Teenagers yes, but a professional coach?
When thinking about Michael Cheika, I find it beneficial to adopt a technique a friend of mine swears by, when flirting via text with the opposite sex. Always throw in a question.
What was the drawing of? Who sketched it? Where? How?
The answer to the panda is not important. The real message that should be taken away from such a ploy begins with a “u” and ends with “nderstanding his audience”.
One fundamentally clear and clever skill holstered in the Cheika artillery belt is the importance placed on tailoring his message to suit the intended audience.
I’m not saying his players can only understand stick figures. Whatever the message conveyed it was clear, simple and concise. Perfect for just before kick-off.
Again at half-time, Cheika displayed versatility in message delivery. In the sheds his verbal spray looked so passionate that the players don’t receive sweat towels – they are used to mop up the coaches phlegm.
The players knew full well that anything the Reds threw at them was going to be far less intimidating than the spray they had just endured.
Thirty seconds later, he was composed and on camera, putting in a calm and clichéd response, cleverly leaving out any true tactical insights. You don’t want stick figures falling into the wrong hands.
And you would double down on the prediction that he further addresses each and every player in a manner that is purposefully designed to get the best out of them.
In his autobiography, Wendell Sailor highlighted a key skill of the great Wayne Bennett – an extremely effective ability to tailor messages to suit different players. Odds are, Cheika is striving to do the same.
And so the stick figure will remain a mystery – until Michael Cheika explains it to you, that is.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.
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