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After looking at the AFL’s high stocks from Round 1, we take a look at the AFL’s lower lights.
Note to readers: in this weekly piece we will review the week’s lowest moments, no matter how trivial they are.
Note to self: it’s only week one.
North Melbourne
Dear North Melbourne, have you met Jobe Watson? He wore the number four in the red-and-black guernsey for the team you played against on Saturday night.
You should know him well; he had 13 disposals by quarter time. And did Dyson Heppell eat something funky the night before the game? He took 16 marks and found all the space in the world last Friday night.
The Kangaroos midfielders’ inability to run defensively was weak. They lost the contested possession count by 44 and the clearances by 22.
Midfielders Ben Cunnington, Ryan Bastinac, Jack Ziebell and Daniel Wells all failed to reach more than 16 possessions.
I know it’s only Round 1, but Tom Piotrowski is calling breaking news on your stocks soon if things don’t change.
Essendon had 159 marks; do you Kangaroos know what ‘manning up’ means?
Both Brad Scott and James Brayshaw say this is the worst loss of their 90-game partnership in charge of the club.
This week you are playing the Western Bulldogs, who were second in clearances last season. It will be a good barometer to see where your midfield is.
But if Brad Scott is in trouble and his stocks are dipping, then you are not alone.
Damien Hardwick
‘Dimma’, you have been like a father figure to many of us in the yellow and black. But how can we take this commitment further when for two straight seasons you have made tactical errors so early in the season?
I need you to play Jack Riewoldt closer to goal so I can watch games without shouting at the TV, throwing things across the room and drowning my sorrows with flame-fuelled alcoholic beverages.
Playing Riewoldt up the ground is like putting a kid in a candy store and not giving them any lollies. It’s only going to end badly.
‘Dimma’, get Jack home.
Sydney Swans
Did we ever think that the word ‘culture’ would be questioned in the same sentence as discussing the Sydney Swans Football Club?
The ‘Buddy’ Franklin experiment hasn’t exactly set the world on fire and injury concerns surround Kurt Tippett and Adam Goodes continue.
If reports are correct, the ‘Buddy’ influence has had a new meaning on Daniel Hannebery, who has supposedly been partying up ‘til the crack of dawn.
At the very least the Swans have plenty of time to judge if the ‘Buddy’ experiment will work.
Brian Taylor
Come on Channel Seven, are you in with the ‘Bristle’ or do you want him out? I haven’t seen an employee hidden like this since my mate who worked for ASIO’s name was removed from the registry after his covert operation was exposed.
(Don’t let truth get in the way of a good story).
Taylor has been confined to play-by-play calling early on in the season, relinquishing any pre-game build up, an area which the ‘Bristle’ once ruled.
Tania Hird
SSSHHHH! By now the board meeting has happened (this was written before the board meeting took place). Whatever happened, just ssshhhh.
Caroline Wilson
Your questioning of Danny Frawley being the head of the coaches association is fine. Publishing two pieces on Frawley within the same week is fine.
But the ‘news’ piece mentioning Dean Bailey not being supported by the coaches association just weeks after his passing is weak and wreaked of ill timing.
Even running an article on whether Bailey had enough support is fine but again the timing has left Danny Frawley “disillusioned” and “bitterly disappointed”.
It’s low hanging fruit to pick on a news journalist but this is warranted.
Maybe you were too busy focusing on writing your ‘Caro’s arrow’ segment on Footy Classified to realise the extent of what you had written.
Split round
We all know Round 1 officially starts on Thursday night. The split round proved dreadful. To the new CEO, please no more split rounds.
Thankfully we can treat Round 2 as our real Round 1 as there are games of mega importance already and will make your footy tipping comps fierce.
Footy Tipping
There has to be bigger rewards this year for picking nine – this is tough!
To all of the above, thankfully it’s only Round 1. Good luck for Round 2, see you next week!
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