On the eve of the 2014 season I woke up and realised I’d made a fatal mistake in my life – that the AFL prediction ladder I’d published on The Roar had one glaringly obvious mistake.
I’d underrated the Port Adelaide Football Club.
So now, with the benefit of hindsight, I’m saying sorry to the South Australia club. It may be late, but it’s better late than never.
When the 2013 season finished I was perplexed to see you makes the finals, but when you made the second week of the finals? Then I was just dumbfounded.
47,000 fans at Sunday’s game versus Geelong? Gone are the days of the black sheets covering the seats at AAMI Park.
I understand you are fit, and Ken Hinkley must be a genius, but how the hell have you done it so rapidly?
Does anyone think Darren Burgess (fitness coach) can be the new coach on the biggest loser and potentially save the show?
I can pretty much guarantee there is going to be a fatality at an AFL club in pre-season thanks to you Mr Burgess.
Your midfield has Travis Boak, I knew you were a superstar (and loyal), however I didn’t realise that Hamish Hartlett would join you in the elite category so quickly. Not only has his hair grown, but so too has his stature.
If either of you too would like a date with my sister, inbox me we’d be more than happy to have you over for dinner (I could cook).
Ollie Wines. Let’s be honest your legs are tree trunks and you intimidate me, but I genuinely think you’re one hell of a footballer. And Brad Ebert – you’re the only guy that could tease him and comfortably run away from him, I envy you.
If my car goes missing somewhere around Adelaide I’m pretty sure you, Dom Cassisi or Kane Cornes will have something to do with it, or know the whereabouts of it. You guys keep things rough and have guts, maybe you could be security at my sister’s date night?
Matthew Lobbe, how much do you like Melbourne? Richmond are in desperate need of a ruckman even when Ivan Maric returns, fancy the MCG as your home ground?
Your forward line is mercurial, how many goals have come out of thin air?
Robbie Gray, once you reminded me of a Home and Away character, all dodgy acting and not much football ability, but now you are a favourite of mine.
Houdini must have left Chad Wingard a trick bag because you’ve got them all my friend. If I ever go high wire walking your coming with me.
At previous clubs Matt White and Jared Polec were statistics, now your high in your club’s most important stats.
Once upon a time writing TAC and Jay Schulz in a sentence spelt the end of a career, now the only TAC acronym in Jay Schulz’s life is him “Totally Abolishing Clubs”.
And Justin Westhoff – what more can be said about you? You’re called the ‘Hoff’ for crying out loud!
If ‘Kochie’ is blackmailing your defenders please, let me know!
Alipate Carlile, Jackson Trengove or Jasper Pittard allowing opponents to score goals isn’t the end of the world! And if Kochie is threatening you with Siberia if any of your opponents score goals just let us know, it’s only football.
Somehow you guys look good in teal, how is that possible? No one looks good in teal!
You know when I’ll know something dodgy is in the air? When John Butcher learns how to kick, I think we’re safe to say that isn’t happening anytime soon.
Could you win the premiership? Because now I’m a bigger believer than Justin Bieber’s Beliebers
You sit atop the AFL ladder and have the potential of a home final. Mr Hinkley, if this happens prepare for a statue to be placed out the front of (Port) Adelaide Oval.
Whether you can win a premiership, I’m not predicting. But to write you off will be writing myself out of anymore articles in my life.
So here I sit, humbled and hope that maybe Mr Koch, Hinkley or Burgess can come and turn my life around the way they did to yours.
To you Port Adelaide, I am sorry.
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