Any old Sunday league football player can score a goal, but it takes true craftsmanship to celebrate one appropriately.
I’ve looked at plenty of the best and the rest, but I’ve settled on three examples that show the essential qualities of a great goal celebration.
Timelessness:
The classic goal celebrations. Think Frank Lampard kissing his fingers and pointing to his departed mother in the sky, the ‘shhhhhhh’ while sauntering past the opposition’s supporter bay and the ‘don’t tackle me, I’m running to give the coach a bearhug’.
These are timeless for a reason; they will always be relevant to the game. The aim is to make the goal just that little bit more special, in a respectful-to-the-game manner (most of the time).
Possibly the best of the timeless goal celebrations, and the least respectful to the game, is pulling off your top and swinging it around in a disorderly fashion.
Note: It is important to put your shirt on again before resuming play.
Diego Forlan’s stunning goal against Southampton was celebrated in shirtless fashion, but the Uruguayan striker seemingly decided against re-clothing himself before hounding James Beattie for possession.
Memorableness:
There are countless memorable goal celebrations to choose from should one jag a goal. Nicolas Anelka’s Quenelle and Giorgios Katidis Nazi salute are two which should be avoided at all cost. We repeat: resist the urge to pop a Nazi salute to your club mates this weekend when you score against Mayfield FC reserve grade.
As Australians, it is unthinkable that we don’t put the spotlight on Tim Cahill as a beacon for memorable goal celebrations. Two spring to mind immediately.
‘The boxing Aussie’ celebration, claimed by many that he shares with Archie Thompson, is the iconic Cahill celebration. When our boy rises above defenders a foot taller than he is to head a cross into the back of the onion bag, it is a foregone conclusion where he’s running to celebrate.
He’s headed for that corner flag, and he’s going to give it what-for, it’s iconic.
A similarly memorable celebration, if for different reasons, is Tim Cahill’s infamous ‘handcuffs’ gesture, made in support of his jailed brother Sean in 2008, after scoring for Everton against Portsmouth.
While the act has been deemed ‘irresponsible’ by the Metropolitan Police Officer who investigated the incident, few true Australian football fans could forget it.
Cahill has since apologised for the gesture but he still earns 0 appropriate points for this celebration.
Novelty:
The third and final element of a truly great goal celebration. In this section, we will recognise the most entertaining acts, gestures, and ideas ever to grace the football field post-goal.
Enter Stjarnan FC from Iceland.
The Garðabær-based team (nope, we can’t pronounce it either) are perhaps better known for their elaborate goal celebrations rather than their football.
However, recent seasons have seen Stjarnan enjoy success in the Icelandic Premier League (Úrvalsdeild) and the Europa League, proving they’re not just gifted choreographers who enjoy an occasional game of football. Their third-place finish in the league is of particular note.
Watch the clip and see for yourself.
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