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Australia won the first Test against the West Indies by nine wickets in three days. Which is much more impressive than winning a Test by three wickets in nine days.
Although, given that the latter scenario would require a return to timeless Tests, perhaps I’m being too dismissive. Regardless, let’s have the ratings for the Test that actually took place.
Time Zones
Grade: F
The Test took place between midnight and 7am AEST which is pretty silly. Why would anybody want to play cricket during those hours? They’re prime Joe Root-punching hours.
I know it’s more convenient for the West Indies to play Tests during their so-called ‘daytime’, but last time I checked the West Indies weren’t one of the three countries that ruthlessly took control of the ICC last year. In fact, if you want to get technical, the West Indies aren’t a country at all.
So why are we bowing to their ridiculous time zones? Is there any point being one of the three most obnoxious and power-hungry cricketing nations if you never wield that power to give viewers back home some dinner time television? Of course not, so let’s get that schedule for the second Test sorted out to something more Australian-friendly immediately.
With that being said, I am aware that these are essentially the same hours that England fans must suffer through whenever they watch their team tour Australia. That must be why they’re so miserable all the time (well that and the ‘5-0 Ashes drubbing’ thing).
Adam Voges
Grade: B+
Australia had a debutant for the Test in the form of 35 year old Adam Voges.
Voges was in the side for the similarly elderly Chris Rogers who’d been ruled out due to a concussion prior to the Test, and took the opportunity to steal just about every single record for oldest debutant that was available.
Oldest man to score a Test century on debut, highest Test score at Dominica, highest Test score on debut at Dominica, oldest man to score the highest Test score on debut at Dominica, oldest man to take his first Test catch off a patented Steve Smith long hop filth ball and so on.
What Voges’ triumphant debut proved is that Australia must never select anybody under the age of 35 ever again. Make those young punks earn their spot the old-fashioned way, not with runs or wickets, but with sheer decades of frustration in first class cricket. It will do them good.
Despite this, there is still a small part of me that wants Voges to make way when Chris Rogers returns, just so we never have to hear about unlucky Brad Hodge ever again.
Balls of the Century
Grade: A
While Australia marched reasonably effortlessly to victory in this Test, there were a few moments of concern when West Indian leg spinner Devendra Bishoo tore through the Australian middle order taking 6/80, including the wicket of Brad Haddin which was bowled in a manner highly reminiscent of Shane Warne’s ‘Gatting Ball’.
Bishoo was previously most famous for being the man who just barely knocked speedster Ian Bishop one notch down the alphabetical list of West Indian Test players. But now, with this delivery unleashed 22 years to the day after Warne’s Ball of the Century, Bishoo was immediately credited with an all-new Ball of the Century.
I like this trend. There is, of course, no reason to wait a hundred years between balls of the century. If you time them correctly, as Warne and Bishoo did, you can have one at the end of one century and one at the beginning of the next.
However, given how much fun balls of the century are, I think we should go further. Albert Einstein taught us that time is relative. Do we really need to be constrained by old-fashioned notions of what a ‘century’ is? Of course not, why not have a ball of the century every year? Every series? Every Test? Every bowling spell?
More regular balls of the century please, bowlers. We deserve to see the blinking, stunned confusion of your Gattings and your Haddins as much as possible.
Wicket-Keepers
Grade: C
A thrilling new trend in Test cricket is to select as many wicket-keepers in your team as possible. New Zealand selected multiple keepers during their series against England with Tom Latham, Brendon McCullum, BJ Watling and Luke Ronchi, and the West Indies followed suit with Danesh Ramdin, Shane Dowrich and Shai Hope.
Which team will be the first to play eleven keepers in a Test? Only time will tell.
In contrast, during a recent T20 match between Worcestershire and Northamptonshire, the Worcestershire Sorcerers completely discarded their keeper while fielding. Yet more evidence that T20 cricket is the antithesis of all that is good about the modern game.
Shai Hope
Grade: B-
One of the outstanding performers for the West Indies in the Test was their opener Shai Hope. Not so much for his runs (36 and two), but for the punning opportunities his name provided.
As long as he was batting, the West Indies had Hope. As soon as he was dismissed, they were without Hope. This is a name made for Test cricket and does make one wonder whether Australia should call up James Hopes to their squad. It’s not quite as good as the singular Hope, but surely it’s a name that can be worked with.
Also, as an added bonus, he’s 36 years old. Perfect for this new look, old look Australian team.