Jonny Bairstow, Jason Roy and Alex Hales ripped into a placid Australian attack on a perfect Trent Bridge batting strip this morning to set a new ODI world record of 6-481, breaking their own mark of 3-444 set two years ago on the same ground.
The trio were simply magnificent with Roy slamming 82 off 61 with seven fours and four maximums, only to be outgunned by Bairstow’s 139 off 92 with 15 fours and five sixes, and again by Hales’ 147 also off 92 with 16 fours and five maximums.
Collectively that was 368 runs, normally a top total in its own right, off just 245 with 38 fours and 14 sixes.
Eoin Morgan added his two bob’s worth with the fastest England ODI half-century in history off just 21 deliveries, taking the skipper to 6187 career runs, well ahead of the closest Englishmen; Ian Bell’s 5416 and Paul Collingwood’s 5092.
In the end, England smashed 41 fours and a world record 21 sixes.
Nasser Hussain and Mike Atherton, two former England captains, were in the commentary box and were told the 21 sixes were more than both of them hit in their entire careers.
Hussain played 88 ODIs and struck 15 sixes, Atherton 54 for one – much mirth in the box.
But no mirth for Australia, who could only manage 239 from 37 before being bowled out. It was a black day.
It became their fifth successive series loss, and their biggest hiding in history by 242 runs.
The attack was all over the shop. Every one of the eight bowlers has been told all their lives that line and length is all that matters, but there was blow all line and length.
Left-arm spinner Ashton Agar was the most economical with 1-70 off 10, while paceman Jhye Richardson bowled the only maiden early, and was on a hat-trick late in the carnage to finish with 3-92 off 10.
The rest went for plenty headed by D’Arcy Short’s 11.50 an over, AJ Tye’s 11.11, Marcus Stoinis’ 10.62, and Glenn Maxwell’s 10.50.
Only Shaun Marsh, Travis Head and keeper Tim Paine didn’t bowl.
The big difference between the two sides was England’s batting ability to beat the field, while the Australians found fieldsmen like magnets.
Sure the Australians are missing Steve Smith, David Warner, Mitchell Marsh, Mitchell Starc, Pat Cummins, and Josh Hazlewood – no team in the world can afford such losses.
But what’s left aren’t knuckling down to do the job they are being handsomely paid to do.
There are no excuses for batting collapses, there’s no excuse for Maxwell running out Stoinis like he did this morning, and there’s no excuse for bowlers representing their country bowling like seven-year-old kids who have never been coached.
That’s rubbish, and must be number one priority for new coach Justin Langer to address.
Anyone who plays for Australia must play like an international, or have their papers stamped never to play again.
It’s as simple as that, put up or shut up.