Satire
In the wake of COVID-19’s indefinite shutdown of the NRL, many are beginning to question if the pandemic has usurped the bunker as the greatest disruption to the game since Jamie Soward’s goal kicking routine.
However, the accusation has seen many leap to the defence of the virus, highlighting its clean record of never replaying 35 different angles of a single frame with two other blokes just to determine if its a dropout or a 20-metre restart when its 38-0 with three minutes remaining.
For those unaware, the coronavirus outbreak has slowed the world to a halt in recent months, earning comparisons to other crises like swine flu, the Great Depression and that Josh Morris disallowed try for a double movement circa August 2019.
After months of widespread disruption and no antidote, many health experts have naturally begun drawing comparisons the to the bunker, pointing out both are intrusive, long-winded, costly and clustered and how, most notably, both have gotta go.
(The Roar)
With daily images of confused officials painstakingly deliberating over conflicting interpretations of laws, with some even urged to wear personal protective equipment, some predicted COVID-19 was so close to mimicking rugby league review technology that it was on the verge of signing a naming rights deal with KFC’s ten wicked wings for $10 deal.
But despite its breathless ability to cease the world in its tracks, can the pandemic lockdown really claim to have overtaken the bunker for ubiquity and indeterminacy?
Some are claiming this comparison between sports technology and a virus to be like chalk and cheese, contending the unprecedented interruptions caused by the greatest threat to the game’s existence to be pretty bloody long, but so are those caused by the coronavirus.
Introduced by the NRL in the era fondly remembered for having cash flow, the bunker was charged with the explicit responsibility of addressing the number of howlers in the game, mainly by increasing the amount.
Over time, the technology has enjoyed dramatic improvements, especially in areas such as speed of decision-making and explanation of decisions. While the majority still remain wrong, it looks bloody good on a spreadsheet.
On the other hand, coronavirus has emerged as a greater disruption than footy software in a box, especially after managing to completely engulf every trace of the human race’s time, attention and liberty.
Such is the magnitude of its reach and devastation, it has blanketed every major news outlet across the globe, with its only interruption coming with the extraordinary development in recent days of the mural of Josh Reynolds’s crazed ex-partner.
COVID-19 has not spared rugby league, sending the game into some absurd universe where John Bateman collects scrap metal while officials ponder Jason Taumalolo reopening the season in summer playing Origin in front of nobody.
What’s more, it has marooned the game in limbo, with the NRL officials forced to formulate a return strategy while juggling broadcasters and force majeure, a legal concept known as ‘act of God’ or ‘whenever Cameron Smith says so’.
In saying this, some fans have enjoyed the indefinite break caused by the outbreak. In fact there were a few who claimed they didn’t even notice the game had ceased, assuming Jared Maxwell was just checking a block play for any possible interference back to 1997.
With the viral hiatus still in effect and the bunker still ironing out technical bugs while inside its six-year teething phase, the jury will remain out on who deserves the title as the game’s most prominent interruption, at least until we see Wati Holmwood’s bum cheeks again.
Nevertheless, this has not hindered campaigns for change, with some innovators now urging the NRL to reduce time wasting by replacing the bunker with a global pandemic.
Never change, Nick Cummins!
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