Satire
After changing its name to Football Australia, the governing body now have the challenge of renaming the FFA Cup.
There are many good names that could be chosen, but I want to look at some of the outsiders. None of these are likely to be chosen, but I think they’re still worth examining. So, without further ado, here are some candidates from left field.
Coupe De Football Australie
The French language can sometimes give things a sense of class and make them sound more appealing, like referring to snails as escargot or goose liver as foie gras for instance. By calling the Cup the Coupe De Football Australie you might even win over a few of the Euro snobs.
Copa Australia
For a bit of South American flair, you could follow the theme of the Copa America and name the Cup the Copa Australia. It also fits in well with the Spanish round.
Kaz Patafta Goblet
Every time there’s a discussion about an exciting youngster who pops up on the radar, you can guarantee that someone will bring up the example of Kaz Patafta. What a player.
Clive Palmer Mug
A great visionary who once put dinosaurs on a golf course and tried to build a new Titanic, his spectacular contribution to the popularity of football on the Gold Coast shocked everyone.
David Gallop Schooner
With his strong business acumen and experience in sports administration built up during his previous role as CEO of the NRL, Gallop took the A-League to new heights through an innovative approach to fan engagement and a strategy for expansion of the league guided by his extensive knowledge of the sport of fishing. He’ll never be forgotten.
Usain Bolt Tankard
Briefly Central Coast’s talisman striker, Bolt made the A-League famous around the world in no time flat before leaving just as quickly.
VAR Stein
The A-League was the first top-level domestic football competition in the world to use this technology, winning great praise from fans in the process and doing wonders for the sport.
South Melbourne Snifter
The Oceania club of the century and strong advocate for promotion/relegation would surely be worthy of having the prestigious prize named after them.
Fox Sports Decanter
The contribution of Fox Sports to the development of the A-League has been highly commendable.
Yuning Zhang Demitasse
A hit with the ladies and known as the “Beckham of Chinese football”, Yuning Zhang paved the way for Chinese players wanting to make their mark in Australia during his time at Brisbane Roar.
Southern Expansion Memorial Urn
Who could forget the ambition of a bid that sought to do so much for football in a vast catchment area, ranging from St George to Sutherland and even all the way down to Wollongong? They will be sorely missed.
New Zealand Knights Amphora
The first professional club from New Zealand is surely worthy of having the prize named in their honour.
Mário Jardel Beaker
A clinical striker in front of an open goal, he set a new standard for what an A-League marquee player should be and changed sports nutrition forever at the Newcastle Jets.
David Villa Tumbler
Here one minute, gone the next. Oh well, easy come, easy go, as they say.
Stan Lee Cup
The creator of comic book characters such as Spiderman, Ironman and the X-Men, Stan Lee could have his name added to the new cup if it is held permanently at Marvel Stadium.
Melbourne Cup
If it was permanently held in Melbourne, then the Melbourne Cup would make a lot of sense. But like the Holy Grail at the French castle, they already have one. The Melbourne Cup does have an interesting design, however, featuring three handles.
If it was named the Postecoglou Cup and the three handles were all arranged together in a formation at the back, then I think that might actually work. Yep, The Postecoglou Cup, three handles all at the back.
(Etsuo Hara/Getty Images)
That’s the way to go.
Cuppy McCupface
Who could forget Boaty McBoatface, Ferry McFerryface, Trainy McTrainface, Horsey McHorseface and the proposed B-21 bomber, Bomby McBombface? You can be sure that Cuppy McCupface will be a strong contender for the people’s choice.
Kiss and Make Cup
Football thrives on tribalism, but in today’s world, sport should be about bringing people together rather than just being an excuse for yelling abuse at one another. Can’t we all just get along?
Mariners Ball Kid Who Took Cahill’s Corner Flag Cup
This incident was just one of the many quirky little things that make the A-League what it is. But it was certainly memorable.
I Can’t Believe It’s Not The FA Cup
Since the governing body changed its name to Football Australia, thus triggering the need to rename the cup, the most obvious new name would be the FA Cup.
But since that option is already taken, the next best thing might be to name it something that reflects our disappointment with not being able to do so.
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