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The Commonwealth Games have for a long time been Australia’s biggest gloating festival. An event where Australia can demonstrate its sporting dominance over both the minorities and the majorities, where we demonstrate just how elite our budgets are as we aim to top the podium over all other nations.
The Victorian government have come to realise the Commonwealth Games to be an overpriced stage to demonstrate our brilliance. To demonstrate just how far South Africa has to go before it is to be held in the same sporting breath as Australia, no matter how good their cricket or rugby teams may be performing.
To show how demonstrably reliant England is on its Team GB partners to outshine Australia in the Olympics and that without the plucky jocks and taffs, Team GB are just a bunch of whinging Poms, and to demonstrate how globally dominant Australians are on the sporting track… when the yanks aren’t competing of course.
Or the Chinese for that matter… or the Japanese, or the Russians… or maybe, we don’t know because we can’t see their flag. But India, New Zealand, Samoa and St Kitts and Nevis (or whatever you are called), we’ve always got you covered!
(Photo by Michael Dodge/Getty Images)
For now, it is time for Australia to free itself of its colonial history and sporting atrocities. It is time to reinvent a multi sports event which is relevant for a modern Australia and competitive for the athletes taking part. It is time we just made all the gold medals ours. It’s time for the Australian Games, which will swiftly be referred to in the public as its affectionate name, the ‘Oi Oi Oi’s’.
Held in the Australian summer before the Olympic Games, the Oi Oi Oi’s will act as qualifier events for all our hopefuls, where not only Olympic qualification is on the line, but each state will set out to determine how far they are behind Western Australia when it comes to elite sports performance.
Different cities will bid to host the Oi Oi Oi’s and state governments will be held accountable for their elite sports budgets, facilities and programmes, as they are put all on show for all of Australia to admire or despise.
I am not going to lie. Tassie, you have a huge task ahead of you to be relevant. Think of yourselves like the Kiwis do in the Olympics. In no way a chance of anything but a plucky few gold, but so much better than the micro nations of Monaco and Andorra that are the ACT and NT.
I am calling it as the event which will redefine our still young nation, releasing us from the convict shackles our colonial elders use to restrain our brilliance and help all Australians realise just what can be achieved when we are not tied the Commonwealth and their pitiful games!
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