Satire
There are few things more ugly than arrogance. Forget illicit drug use, grubby players or underhanded tactics to sign marquee players – when a team celebrates a try too loudly, they mock us all.
There is no more significant threat to the hallowed moral righteousness of rugby league than these Penrith Panthers, which is why we should all be saying a quiet prayer under our breath that they win this coming sabbath and raise us all up from the deathlike trance we have been under since 2021.
After nearly four decades, it is safe to say that no team has done more than the Broncos to safeguard the sanctity of rugby league.
They are, after all, the only sports club in Australia to be publically traded on the ASX, the most trusted and community-centric way to run a team. Their biggest shareholder? NewsCorp Australia is the last bastion of free speech in Australia and a foundational pillar of the fourth estate in modern society.
Some might say this creates a conflict of interest with Fox Sports (also owned by NewsCorp) being the major broadcast partner of rugby league.
While a few argue this grants the Broncos favourable coverage, it really just means more strict scrutiny that the club must face.
They routinely have to answer such questions as: why can’t the Broncos play every Friday night? Who are the top three hunkiest Broncos players of all time, and can they tuck me in at night?
Now, let’s look at the Penrith Panthers, a vast and bustling community known for being so rich and out of touch with the working-class roots of their rugby league heritage that they barely even have their own newspaper, The Western Weekender.
This is a club that only invests in itself rather than graciously paying halfbacks from other, poorer clubs with fewer teeth to come and play for them.
From their ivory towers in Erskine Park, the Panthers look down on all of us in Sydney, looming like the great evil of Barad-dûr in Lord Of The Rings, with the great eye of Ivan Cleary scouring the surrounding suburbs for poor clubs to invest in to give back to the community and strengthen their junior pathways.
(Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)
How can we trust a club that doesn’t have one thirst trap of their fullback, Dylan Edwards, on TikTok? Reece Walsh has hundreds.
Speaking of Walsh, there has been some clamouring from ungrateful fans that the Broncos were ‘gifted’ a try against a ‘likable’ and ‘friendly’ team in last week’s prelim final against the Warriors.
Now, was that pass from Walsh forward? Arguable. But Reece meant to pass it backward; did you ever think of that? He can’t just disappear. Selwyn Cobbo was in front of him, and he needed to pass the ball.
No one cared that Cobbo also (accidentally) passed it forward to Jordan Riki, which is a huge double standard in my opinion.
Think about the ref, do you really want him to make that call and get screamed at by Walsh? Think of Walsh’s vocal cords; he could have been seriously hurt.
The Panthers were also getting call after call go their way, and all because the Storm were hitting them just below their eyes every other tackle. Do you know how sore Harry Grant’s shoulder was the next day after that many high tackles? Of course, no one considers his pain.
So thank you, Brisbane Broncos™, for saving us from the terrible clutches of these arrogant black cats (I will no longer dignify them by using their real name).
Brisbane deserve this win for sticking with their prodigal son and loyal Queenslander Wayne Bennett, no, that’s not right, Anthony Seibold, oops, no I mean Alfie Langer’s understudy.
The Cats have bought and paid for this dynasty through prudent investing, junior development, roster management, and community involvement.
I mean, give me a break, get a new hobby, and stop being so arrogant.
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