We’re playing for England, EN-GER-LAND! Well not you Mr Beckham, sorry. Now, now don’t cry. We can’t let you play with your little leg, boo-boo.
We’ll make you a specialist coach. Will that make you feel better? Now, dry your eyes and let’s look at who is in our group.
GROUP C includes:
ENGLAND – Qualified with help from the awesome performance enhancing substances in tea and blueberry scones.
USA – Qualified after Canada forfeited to concentrate on the Winter Olympics.
ALGERIA – Qualified after finally being told there was another tournament after the African Nations Cup.
SLOVENIA – Qualified after Russia couldn’t find Slovenia on a map, and missed their playoff match. Turns out the Russians were looking at a map from 1985.
Nearing the end of 2009, England were sitting pretty. They had qualified, and everything was pointing towards a return to the top by the old dart.
But then someone found golden boy Beckham’s achilles heel, and broke it for him.
Well, it was his achilles tendon and he snapped it himself, but you get the analogy.
Thus began a downward spiral of scandals and interruptions. Despite a great season, striker Wayne Rooney seemed to be in constant injury trouble.
Also, John Terry and Ashley Cole managed to put a couple of shots into the wrong net. Terry’s indiscretion caused team-mate Wayne Bridge to not be able to use his own name, and get over it and he quit England.
The team, not the country. That would be over-reacting.
England are lucky they have such an easy group, because playing at the World Cup will be hard when no-one is talking to each other.
When your three best players are your goalkeepers, you know you are in trouble. The Americans have the ability to stop teams from scoring but putting the ball in the other net will be a problem. When your best outfield player, Landon Donovan can miss an open net from two metres out (see Everton v Spurs or USA v Canada) then you are in for a very short tournament.
FIFA may even disqualify them after one game for being so bad. Unprecedented!
Algeria. The Desert Foxes. What can be said about this team that hasn’t already been said before? Well, probably a lot but I can’t read Arabic to find out what has been said previously and apart from Nadir Belhadj, I know none of their players. Maybe this is their plan, to turn up looking like fans and then run onto the ground when their opposition isn’t paying attention and score.
Good thinking by those sly Foxes.
Slovenia wasn’t even a country 20 years ago and here they are now in the World Cup. With the success of former SFRY countries, imagine how good they would be if they were still together with their Croatian cousins.
But alas they are not, and while it was a great effort making the WC, they might find the step up just a little too high.
Hey you never know, they might be the surprise packet out of this box of nuts.
Prediction
1. England
2. Slovenia
3. Algeria
4. USA (because this is where they should be.)
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