It’s no fun being a coach in these turbulent times. Win a rugby World Cup and you get knighted, lose and you get quartered and then become the most despised person in the country.
The teams who enjoy the rugby World Cup the most, are the minnows.
They tour a country, all-expenses paid, enjoy the hospitality, are treated as Gods, enjoy a chuck-about with the blow-up bladder, have no pressure applied to them at any time, have no expectations, and return home as heroes for having been there.
Having been shafted by the “big-named teams” on the field, they have enjoyed six weeks of endeavouring to shaft the local talent off it, trundled back home with a bag full of culture, wine, souvenirs and the hope that great memories of things they did on tour will stay on tour.
Having been so stress-free, the coach has already booked his ticket for the next rugby World Cup trip in 2015.
Compare this with Robbie Deans’ endeavour to bring together raw, young, highly testosteroned Australian talent and meld them into a coherent force where everyone is focused on doing the same thing.
Quade Cooper was another loose cannon in the mould of the mercurial All Black Carlos Spencer, whereby one never ever knew where he was going on the field (including himself) and with people wondering, at times, if he was playing in the same team as his other fourteen player team mates.
Deans has closed the differential gap without a doubt, but is still under immense pressure to win.
To do so, he will be another great Australian, lose and he’s just another overpaid Kiwi, over here.
All Black coach Graham Henry would like to be knighted this time just like Sir Clive Woodward was when England lifted the Webb Ellis in Australia. The All Blacks have waited twenty four years to be the world champions again and the pressure on Henry and the team is immense.
No enjoyment on offer here lads, as it’s a do-or-die ugly rugby scenario for the entire six weeks.
The “no other option” pressure to win is keeping the production of Betaloc Metoprolol in business, manufacturing the blood pressure pills faster than they can be swallowed.
Win the rugby World Cup, he gets his knighthood, lose, and he will get a coaching job in Solikamsk, former capital of the Urals and salt cellar of Russia.
Springboks coach Peter de Villiers is under so much pressure to have the Springers win, that he is having trouble finding a fit player to make up a team (or so he would have you believe).
The captain John Smit is having trouble even making the team, (is it injury or old age) whilst de Villiers reminds his team that the Sonny Bill Williams-passing method “is just not rugby old boy”.
The pressure to show the world that rugby administrational integration in South Africa has been as smooth as licking a mirror, should he fail, the number of coaches waiting to leap from the darkness and have poor Peter de Villiers’ head is uncountable.
The stress diminishes with descending pecking order of teams and ah yes, there is a lot to be said for being a very small fish in a very big, pond.
So long as you are able to remain obscure, there is so much to enjoy from the bountiful banqueted plates on offer, leaving the big fish to fight over the small helping of caviar.
Now just where was that little developing country in the sun that the IRB is so desperate to have a coach for?
Michael Warren is a NZ contributor rugby writer for www.haka.co.nz
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