So, it’s time to dust off the Kookaburras, slap on the sunscreen and get used to seeing thong tans and hearing terms like silly point and googly – that’s right it’s Test cricket season.
The Saffas are in town and Brisbane is about to get its chance to defend its status as a national sporting utopia, delivering surprisingly good performances from national sides since Expo 88.
There will be plenty to look at from a cricketing perspective, but the beauty of a Test is the atmosphere created by sun, sport and eight hours of drinking.
If you’re headed to the Gabba this weekend, odds are you’re probably going to fit in to, or see people, that fit into these five categories.
1. Drunk Dickhead
The Drunk Dickhead is the most common cricket fan you will see at a five-dayer. Generally travelling in a pack, with matching singlets, zinc and bad wigs, the DD stop at the pub on the way to the match because eight hours of drinking isn’t enough.
Keeping in mind the premium prices put on XXXX Gold at the Gabba, they could be forgiven for being frugal, but it’s pretty obvious that the cost of beers is irrelevant to their decision. Add to their beer consumption a healthy dose of sun and eight hours (if they make it that far) of cricket, it’s a pretty lethal combination and turns messy quickly.
Sometimes this just means an epic beer snake, but when you hear the words ‘more’ and ‘beer’ strung together to form a 12 minute song, you can be sure it is coming from these guys.
2. The Browser
A day at the cricket is a long day. The Browsers generally come to these things on their own, but knowing they’re in for a lot of alone time, brings their own activity to keep busy.
These are the people sitting in the stands as if they’re in their own living room, with a newspaper. Generally an older fan, the Browser has ABC Grandstand in his ear giving him an at-home experience right in the stands.
As the afternoon wears on, The Browser may become the Sleeper quite quickly, and sneakily hidden under sunglasses and a hat.
3. The Sledger
This is the fan who thinks it is their job to make conversation with every player on the sideline. It starts off innocently with a “Give us a wave (insert boundary fielder’s name here)”.
By tea, the sledging will have degenerated into something along the lines of “Hey _____ you’re crap” in a bid to try and get a reaction. Alternatively, this could be the foreign fan in the crowd, who decides to sledge the Aussies around them, which can be a double-edged sword.
4. The Family
The daytime slot of cricket is incredibly family-friendly, even if not totally TV-friendly. You can always count on seeing plenty of clans having a day out.
They bring their own home picnic to hand out to the brood, as part of a mission to convert the next generation into five-day fanatics. Every time a shot is played, the parent will provide a bio on the player and a commentary on the shot they played.
This is either coupled with a little kid dressed up in his cricket whites, or a completely disinterested kid who is just waiting for the Calippo their parents promised would be coming their way at lunch.
5. The Tagalong
This is the person who obviously has no idea what is going on and more often than not has an overt disdain for cricket. He is the one asking when Temper Trap is playing or why there’s no fireworks.
They have probably been coerced by their better half or group of friends to come to the match, in a bid to be converted to the great summer code. If there’s someone in the crowd wondering who’s winning, it will be them.
Expect them to make a quick exit by lunch.
Build your own fantasy cricket team and put it to the test with Draftstars daily fantasy competitions. Pick your match, pick your team and watch the points roll in to take out cash prizes on each match. What are you really gambling with? Set a deposit limit.
A six-laden, 27-ball 84 from Jake Fraser-McGurk to continue his outrageous debut IPL!
It seems franchise cricket has forgotten about the great battle between bat and ball. In fact, this season in the IPL there is no battle at all.
The mammoth rise of Jake Fraser-McGurk - his enormous potential and the destructive shot-making that he possesses makes him a very tempting option.
Test great Steve Smith is to play for Washington Freedom in the second season of Major League Cricket as the Australian influence in the…
Nathan Lyon has revealed his disappointment that Australia's cricket chiefs have prevented him from playing his first full season of county cricket in England…
Some of you may have watched the recent Fox Sports Series 'A Brief History of Australian Cricket: the Eighties'. If not, I’d definitely recommend…
