Cricket has until recently featured players of all shapes and sizes. Australians ‘Long’ Tom Moody, Justin ‘the Garden Gnome’ Langer, Bruce ‘Sticks’ Reid, Mark ‘Tubby’ Taylor and Merv Hughes showed all shapes and sizes can play cricket and it has been a better game for it.
International cricket has been over time a place where fat blokes have prospered. From WG ‘Too heavy for a horse to bear’ Grace, Arajuna ‘Tim Tam’ Ranatunga, Shane ‘Baked Beans’ Warne, Bermuda’s favourite sun Dwayne Leverlock, Imziman Ul Haq (who incidentally never ran a single in his life), New Zealand’s Jesse Ryder and Brian ‘I get a biscuit from your mother” McMillian.
Yet the Australian team has of late has conspicuously avoided picking a fat bloke since the retirement of Boof Lehmann.
Since this time, I say we have been poorer, both in terms of quality of play and also quality of viewing pleasure.
Their is however one man who can fit (or not fit, as the case may be) the role in Australia’s Test team. With the retirement of the super-fit Ricky Ponting and Michael Hussey, now is the perfect time.
I think all Australian cricket fans know of this heavyweight of Australian cricket who can inspire more of our children (60% of whom are now overweight) and engage our own bulging bellies with the thought that we could have played Test cricket.
He can draw us away from the table to again eat in front of the couch thanks to the fried chicken of our sponsor. A man who has done more out of his own pocket to support our major sponsors in fast food and beer than any other cricketer.
Mark Cosgrove
He may be big, but as a batsman he is a cricketer who despite this supposed impediment has proven to be one of Australia’s better performers.
Take a look at these stats.
His First Class average is 43.43, which is above Ed Cowan and Usman Khawaja. Over the last three years it has been 43.60, which is above Phil Hughes, David Hussey and Glen Maxwell.
He has 22 First Class centuries, which is more than any of his competitors. Only Hughes and David Hussey get them more often. His strike rate of 66 is better than everyone except David Hussey.
He is also an expert player of spin and has experienced English conditions.
And he is only 28.
On the basis of those stats, who else believes we must seize the opportunity and start a campaign to bring back the fat bloke, bring back the crowds and inspire a generation of fat kids to love cricket like we all have.
Let’s take Mark Cosgrove to India and to the Ashes.
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