- Video
-
Club Roar
Captured a great grassroots sporting moment? We want to see it!Content Collections
The Roar Community
- Join
- Login
Much has been made in recent days about the composition of the Wallabies starting forward pack for the Lions series being determined by who makes the lineout calls, almost to the point where this has been identified as an area of such potential deficiency that could cost them the series.
At this late hour it has apparently been discovered that the Wallabies squad is very short on lineout callers, with Nathan Sharpe now on the end of a microphone and no longer (legally) available to call the shots at lineout time.
For some this raises two questions. Firstly, how could Robbie Deans be so inept to not have had a succession plan in place for when Sharpe retired? Secondly, just who will call the lineouts and will this be a factor in selection of the run-on team?
The answer to both questions is the same. Why does this matter? It shouldn’t, and if it does, well… it shouldn’t.
Names of potential candidates for lineout caller have variously been tossed around and almost all of them deemed unsuitable. For example James Horwill is assured of his place, but he is a jumper, and he is the captain. There is too much on his plate already.
Rob Simmons looks like he’s smart enough to do it, and indeed he calls lineouts for the Reds. On the downside, he isn’t likely to start, plus he’s in the throes of toughening up his pretty boy image. Taking on this cerebral task isn’t the way to show how mean and dirty you are.
Sitaleki Timani is more likely to start alongside Horwill but doesn’t appeal as the type to take on this responsibility. He needs to focus on running and tackling with more aggression, not on who the hooker is throwing to.
Hooker? Now there’s an idea… If Stephen Moore does it then he can call where he is most comfortable throwing to. No chance of him embarrassing himself by calling to the back on a windy night and taking pot luck on nailing a straight one. But alas, his job throwing is far too crucial to be hindered by having him work out the call as well.
None of the props are realistic candidates. Head down, bum up lifters don’t get a real perspective on what is happening in the lineouts. And besides, the last time a Test prop was encouraged to think outside the square he immediately fancied himself as a dropkick artiste.
So to the back row. Dave Dennis and Ben Mowen are both lineout callers, so that’s promising. But neither is guaranteed a start, and in fact most pundits have inked in a back row that contains neither.
Wycliff Palu at Number 8, Scott Higginbotham at blindside flanker, and either Michael Hooper or Liam Gill at openside flanker would appear to be the most likely combination. But, as fate would have it, none of them have experience as a lineout caller.
There is one further possibility – if Hugh McMeniman makes a full recovery from injury he is likely to be chosen as one of the remaining six players to be added, and he does have some calling experience. But realistically, even if he joins the squad, it is hard to see him leapfrogging Higginbotham for the six jersey given his imperious form for the Rebels in recent weeks.
So if it is to be Higgers at blindside, how would he go with the responsibility for calling? Certainly the Rebels captaincy seems to have done him a world of good, much of the needless niggle and seagulling having gone from his game, replaced by controlled aggression and leading from the front.
Mark him down as a maybe.
Professionalism has bought all sorts of great things to rugby, too numerous to mention here. But not every new innovation or idea is a winner.
We have TMOs to assist the referees to get important decisions right, but who approve passes thrown four metres forward for a try because they allow some bastardised application of the laws of physics to override common sense.
We have money to allow players from poor nations to play professionally in Europe, but where the trade off is a disgraceful manipulation of their rights, denying them the opportunity to represent their country.
And now we have the simple task of calling a lineout throw elevated to some complex, nuanced facet of the game. Where there is seemingly a crisis on our hands because there is nobody with a Harvard MBA in the Wallabies pack smart enough to make the calls and perform their regular job at the same time.
My solution is to travel back in time, before professionalism hijacked what was a basic task and turned it into something needlessly important.
In fact I have four solutions. The Wallabies are free to use one or all of them. And, as an added bonus, I’ll wager that these modern day, professional Lions will be baffled by them.
Solution 1: James Horwill makes a dummy verbal call. “87-64-Cootamundra” or similar. The Lions madly try to figure out which of the Wallaby forwards is from Cootamundra.
Meanwhile, Will Genia surreptitiously makes the call with his feet, outside foot turned toward the sideline for the front, feet together for the middle, inside foot turned towards the middle of the ground for the back. Genius.
Solution 2: it’s crunch time in the second half and the Lions realise that they’ve been duped. None of the Wallabies jumpers are actually from Cootamundra or Warrnambool or Snowtown, and they’re onto Genia’s nifty little foot movements.
Genia simply yells out “switch” and changes to a different call, hands on knees to the front, hands on hips to the middle and hands clasped behind his head to the back. More genius.
Solution 3: anticipating that solutions 1 and 2 will in all likelihood be de-coded by the Lions after the first Test, for the second Test Genia throws in a few stray foot and hand movements to keep them off the scent but introduces a new verbal call.
Items of a distinctly male nature to the front, eg “scrotum”, “ball bag”, “foreskin” and so on. Items of a distinctly female nature to the middle, eg “labia minora”, “bazoomas”, “handbag” etc. And general, non-gender specific items to the back, eg “franger”, “gonorrhea”, “mile high club” and so on.
(I kid you not, I once played in a social game where these calls were used. It was chaotic, hilarious and the opposition had no idea)
Solution 4 is to be used if none of the first three appeal. It’s a little old fashioned, but very simple – that is, don’t sweat it Wallabies, you have far bigger issues to overcome.
It matters not a jot who makes the call or what the call is if the throw isn’t executed properly; meaning it has to be straight and timed to the advantage of the Wallabies jumper.
That is where lineouts in this series will be won and lost. Not via some crock idea that Robbie Deans may have to compromise his best starting XV to include a specialist lineout caller.
If there isn’t someone already in this XV who doesn’t have the tactical nous and common sense to call a few lineouts, then surely the Wallabies are already on a hiding to nothing.