I know you all had good intentions. You were absolutely going to watch the ANZ Championship netball this year, weren’t you?
You knew high quality women’s sport was out there waiting for you to just turn on the TV. And you would have too, if only it weren’t for all that blasted footy getting in the way and being just so damned interesting!
Since I know you had the best of intentions and will definitely watch the final two weeks of the season, let me catch you up so you’re not coming in completely blind when you switch on the TV on Sunday:
Let’s get physical
While rugby league fans bemoan the removal of their beloved ‘biff’ from Origin, netball players, coaches and fans have been facing off about this season’s buzzword: ‘physicality’.
Lose a game and the captain will immediately claim the team wasn’t ready for the level of physicality the other team brought. Which is a brilliant ploy to accuse the other team of cheating, while still sounding like a gracious loser.
Waikato/Bay of Plenty Magic’s Irene van Dyk wasn’t satisfied with that line, however, accusing West Coast Fever defenders of “getting away with murder” earlier in the season.
Confusion reigned until it was discovered ‘murder’ is Afrikaans for “not letting me have the ball whenever and wherever I wanted it”.
So long, farewell New Zealand
If you needed another reason to tune in this week, let it be this: we now have three teams remaining in the race for the trophy and none of them are from New Zealand.
With the reigning premiers, Magic, knocked out last weekend, the stage is set for a fifth win for an Australian team in the six seasons of the competition.
Since the start of the Championship in 2008, no team has taken out the title twice, but all that will change in 2013, with the remaining three teams – the Adelaide Thunderbirds, Melbourne Vixens and Queensland Firebirds – all previous champions.
TV rights dilemmas
If you’re wondering exactly which channel to tune your TV to for Sunday’s game, you won’t be the only one. Australian fans were pondering this right up to the start of the season, with Channel Ten deciding not to show the games in 2013.
Eventually an agreement was reached, with Fox Sports showing all games live and SBS taking on one game a week.
The controversy over lack of free-to-air coverage has spiked again in the finals, with the games being played on a four hour delay on SBS.
The resurrection (or fall) of a champion
Depending on who you ask, the return of Sharelle McMahon to elite netball has either been the best thing or the worst thing about the 2013 season.
McMahon gained (relative) fame in 1999 when she shot the winning goal for Australia in the World Championship final as a baby-faced 21 year old. Now 35, she returned to the court after a devastating Achilles injury and the birth of her first child in 2012.
As polarising as ever, she has spent the year both delighting and angering netball fans wherever she goes and will most likely continue to do so on Sunday, whether or not she actually takes the court.
Get your shot glasses ready
As we all know, the real game isn’t played out on court, but in the half-time and post-match interviews. If players aren’t graciously accusing the other teams of cheating, they’re busy babbling a load of nonsense in front of a camera.
Take a drink each time a player or coach mentions “sticking to the game plan”, “our product” or “really took it to them”.
A bonus drink for every time an interviewer nervously makes a statement at a player instead of asking them a question and Monday will be a very tough day at the office for you.
And finally, the real reason you’re watching…
I know you’ve been dying to ask and the answer is yes. Netballers do still wear short skirts. And yes, our favourite buzzword ‘physicality’ means they will be flying up more often as players hit the deck repeatedly.
And yes, Laura Geitz is playing (Google her, trust me).
So there you go – you’re all caught up and ready to watch Queensland battle Melbourne, not to see who hates NSW most, but for the chance to go to Adelaide.
Why anyone would want to do that is beyond most people watching, but enjoy the spectacle anyway and try not to think too hard about it.
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