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If England’s bowlers tried to kick themselves this Ashes series, they’d probably miss.
The tourists are on the verge of surrendering the Ashes, and their inept batting shouldn’t cop all the blame.
England’s bowling attack entered the series confident of thriving on the unique Australian wickets.
Instead, they have flopped, with Stuart Broad the only exception.
Such are England’s troubles with the ball, Australia have declared in four of their six innings this series.
Australian opener David Warner, skipper Michael Clarke and wicketkeeper Brad Haddin have scored a mountain of runs.
Even tail-ender Mitchell Johnson has feasted on England’s ineptitude, cracking 147 runs at an average of 49.
Seamer James Anderson arrived in Australia with a reputation as a world-class bowler.
Swing bowling was his trade, and business was good.
But he has struggled to unleash his No.1 weapon this series, and Australia’s batsmen have been able to see him off with ease.
Test newbie George Bailey even cracked him for record-equalling 28 runs in a single over on Monday.
Graeme Swann was meant to put Australia in a spin.
Instead, his own head has been spinning after being smacked to all parts of the ground in Brisbane, Adelaide and Perth.
In the form of Chris Tremlett, Boyd Rankin and Steve Finn, England possessed three giants capable of inflicting some concussions.
All three failed to fire during the warm-up games, so by default Tremlett was handed a spot in the team for the first Test in Brisbane.
He hasn’t played since, and England haven’t dared give the other two a go.
Tim Bresnan couldn’t be considered for the first two Tests as he built up his fitness following a recent back issue.
But when he finally got his chance in Perth, he couldn’t capitalise on a cracking WACA deck.
Broad should take a bow.
With his teammates struggling, the 27-year-old refused to wilt, claiming 14 wickets at an average of 25.2.
His wicket tally is double the next best by an Englishman.
He was unplayable at times in the first innings in Brisbane.
Broad is now injured, and England’s Ashes hopes appear gone.
To thrive in Australia, a touring team needs at least three bowlers contributing strongly to have a genuine chance of winning the series.
Three years ago, when England won 3-1 in Australia, Anderson snared 24 wickets at an average of 26.
Tremlett took 17 scalps. Swann 15. Steve Finn 14, and Bresnan 11 in two Tests.
Anderson was the standout, but he had an army of helpers along the way.
England will likely be merely playing for pride in the remaining two Tests of the series.
And their shining light Broad might not even be there to limit the damage.
ENGLAND’S ASHES FLOP WITH THE BALL:
*Stuart Broad: 14 wickets at an average of 25.21
*Graeme Swann: 7 wickets at an average of 80.0
*James Anderson: 7 wickets at an average of 58.42
*Ben Stokes: 5 wickets at an average of 47.0
*Chris Tremlett: 4 wickets at an average of 30.0
*Tim Bresnan: 3 wickets at an average of 44.66
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