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Following the current Pakistan-Australia Test series from afar, with a combination of horror and macabre fascination, one thing is clear: plans A and B didn’t work.
Our bowlers are exhausted and our batsmen are spending far more time in the outfield than on the pitch.
With a home Test series just around the corner, the selectors have clearly mismanaged resources, not thinking outside the box, and ultimately missing an opportunity to get in the heads of a notoriously inconsistent Pakistan team.
Following on from Ben Pobjie’s excellent article from last week, I have a different strategy for tackling the most foreign of conditions for our boys.
Rather than wasting the time and energy of our bowlers when Pakistan could make 60 or 607 on any given day, let’s instead ensure the Aussies can bat for days, or least hours.
My strategy would require a level of secrecy formerly associated with the details of new Apple products to achieve maximum effectiveness, so perhaps this should be kept as a private missive to Cricket Australia. Then again, they’re probably busy having their interns and work experience kids organise the 2015 World Cup, so I guess this will have to do for a public release.
For maximum success in similar Test series and venues in the future, plan C needs to be a batting XI.
This can include a smattering of all-rounders to open the bowling and pad out the lower order, but let’s not get too hung up on tradition here. The goal is continuing the favoured strategy in sub-continental series of recent years: playing for the draw.
To get Cricket Australia’s approval on something that bucks the norm, it would need to be presented in language they can wrap their little brains around. Instead of horses-for-courses, let’s instead call it a strategic maximisation of efficiencies in overseas markets. Now the board has given its backing, let’s look at my 11.
Chris Rogers and David Warner
Rogers really only gets a guernsey here to continue his mentoring and calming role for Warner, one of few batsmen to display any level of comfort in the UAE. Warner also bolsters the bowling ‘attack’.
Alex Doolan
Scored a ton in a tour match, so obviously not a complete hack in foreign conditions. That said, he is mostly in the team to cure the insomnia of Pakistan’s bowlers and captain by employing a Mark Greatbatch approach to batting.
Usman Khawaja
A soon to be mainstay in the Test side, let’s give visiting Australian fans the chance to employ an ‘Ussie Ussie Ussie, oi oi oi’ chant away from the scrutiny of the Aussie media.
Steve Smith
Captain of my side for his ability to adapt his batting style and employ tactics with a faint hope of success on the sub-continent, Smith gets points here for not being Michael Clarke. His looping leg spin also ensures local fans get some catching practice in and out of the ground.
Joe Burns
Another possible fixture in the middle order in coming years, picking Lynn gives the national selection panel an opportunity to continue one of their favourite traditions: crushing the confidence of a young player in foreign conditions.
Phil Hughes (wicketkeeper)
The little run machine was a keeper in his younger years, so let’s slot him in at seven. Shoulder durability also earns him some bonus points.
Michael Clarke
Mostly selected for his left arm spin and media conference experience, Pup gives my side someone to answer the questions of perplexed sports writers at the end of play.
Mitchell Marsh
Getting the approval of Cricket Australia will involve some links to tradition, so Marsh gets the hallowed role of opening bowler. Batting him down the order also continues the recent trend of a top-scorer in the bottom three.
Glenn Maxwell
Mostly here for his fielding and contributions to social media, Maxwell will be asked to wear his T20 uniform under his whites to increase his chances of success.
James Hopes
The second ‘opening bowler’ in my side, Hopes brings the added bonus of dry Queensland wit and sledging ability, sure to bolster the team’s spirits in the field. His drawl may also confuse Pakistan’s batsmen enough to prevent some of them from scoring centuries.
With my team ready to rumble, and Cricket Australia’s marketing interns employing the #letsgetiton hashtag, all that’s left is to convince Channel Nine to broadcast the series and show local fans what plan C looks like in action. Let’s do this!
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