Opinion
Modern theories for reaching consensus on divisive, important topics focus on the Steel Man Technique, which seeks to represent our opponent in the best possible manner by reinforcing their basic argument, even if it’s lousy.
Starting with this premise shows a genuine respect for the other party and allows rapport and engagement.
Often it starts with the intent to persuade but generally ends with both parties moderating their position as usually we all have at least some weaknesses in our argument. The opposite of the Steel Man is to Straw Man, which seeks to undermine and discredit the opponent.
We may win the argument, but we never resolve the issue as the loser is left unconvinced, resentful and feeling disrespected. Trust is eroded and the point of conflict made more divisive as both parties harden their position and progress moves further away.
The Steel Man, not that far a cousin to the Socratic Method that was foundational to the philosophical development of our society as well as countless toga parties, is rarely practiced today.
Our era of instantaneous communications, tools such as social media and the many other nuisances of our modern society leave us seeking to yell the loudest and object the hardest with the hope of being heard first and to seek online validation.
We need look no further than our political structures and systems, where credit can never be given to an opponent and credit is never given. However, if we reflect a little, we will recognise those same traits in our own communications. Look no further than the comments section for any contentious issue.
Today I was surprised to see a YouTube feed pop up for the Josh Aloiai interview with Channel 9 and, for my sins (more on that later) I couldn’t resist a gander.
(Photo by Albert Perez/Getty Images)
Despite the inflammatory headline, I thought Aloiai presented himself as genuinely trying to navigate an issue that contradicts his religious beliefs with a very authentic affection for his sister, who is gay.
While not agreeing with all his points, I could see a bloke doing his best to mesh this jumbled mess together to try and make the unworkable work. I suspect Josh hoped to take a little steam out of the issue: sadly, it has just provided more juice from the squeeze.
The response started with Channel Nine, who focused on the “Corey Parker is an idiot” comment, the least important part of the entire interview. The headline acts to diminish the legitimacy of Josh’s views (we don’t have to like them to accept they are legitimate to him) and did a pretty good job of putting the straw into the man.
Seeing Paul Suttor’s article pop up on The Roar and skimming through the comments section, we’ve done the same thing as a community.
My personal view on Josh’s position is conflicted. I was heavily religious as a youth and young man, raised but not forced so a situation largely of my own choosing that quickly became the centrepiece of my life.
After several years, I was able to work through personal doubts (I’m one of those detestable logical thinkers, so personal doubts were logical inconsistencies I couldn’t patch with faith) and accepted that I didn’t believe before finding the courage to walk away.
Josh Aloiai walks from the field after a game in Mudgee with a rainbow in the background. (Photo by Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)
It may not sound like much but at that time it was the foundation of my life and when I walked, I left everything behind including much of me. I stopped believing long before I had the guts to go.
While the context is very different, the irony should not be lost in that my experience sounds very similar to so many from the gay community when they talk of their struggles to accept themselves and come out.
After many years of overcompensation by mocking religion, I now have the perspective to acknowledge just how critical it has been in the development of the society we have today.
While an impartial reading of history will provide ample examples of the good, if you have doubts have a look at how important the Christian religions were in supporting Women’s Suffrage.
(A little trivia: although Women’s Suffrage in the UK was not achieved until 1928, Men’s Suffrage was also not achieved until 1918).
A superficial understanding of Western history will recognise the importance of religion as a unifying factor that ascribed a strong and common moral code on our behaviour with each other. It’s not perfect and there is certainly much harm achieved through the abuse of religion, but it was pivotal in getting us to where we are today.
Not perfect but with a society where inclusion, diversity, equality and multiculturalism are far closer than at any preceding point in history.
The reason for harping this issue is our current response to social issues is to adopt a harsh and unforgiving judgement of right or wrong and to vanquish our foe. However, we never really win but we do make divisions greater and our opponent more dogged in their position. We make it less possible to move forward and less likely that we will reconcile.
We are not going to change the minds of those we oppose, regardless which side of this debate they are on. Rather, we make it increasingly hard to find a way forward. We lose a little of ourselves in the process and, sadly, by using escalating conflict we increase the harm to those we claim to champion. If you who believe that we can force others to adopt our thoughts and beliefs, history is replete with examples where this has been tried. It never ends well.
For those who think my views are empty ideology and wishful thinking, we are living in the proof that it can work. Yep, Australia and New Zealand are not perfect, not even close, but for countries with heritage from every corner of the globe as well as with every religion, ideology, belief system and anything else that can be a point of difference, we somehow make it work and we are still trying to get it better.
The reason we got this far (the real credit belongs to our parents and those before them) is at the individual level. The dude or dudette walking towards us that looks different, sounds different or has different views is still a person and when we get down to relating at a person-to-person level, setting difference aside and just relating, we seem to be able to make it work: but making it work starts with respect, if for no other reason than they are a fellow Kiwi or Aussie.
Many accounts of gay people coming out are centred on their fear of what their family, friends, and those they know and work with will think and the potential resultant harm. It’s not that big a stretch to accept that people with strong religious beliefs, or from communities with strong beliefs, would have their own version of fears too.
We don’t need to like or agree with their views to accept and respect that it is important to them. By giving each other that base level of respect we give people like Aloiai the time they need to work through these issues. I don’t know Josh but I reckon it’s a safe bet that he is quietly trying to work through how he makes his sister’s sexual orientation work with his religious beliefs.
But doing that means we need to Steel Man him, look for the good sides in his argument and give him the basic decency of the respect that we would hope for if the tables were turned. Not so many years ago Josh’s views were shared by the significant majority, which means most of us.
So what say we set aside the keyboard outrage for a while and get back to appreciating sport, and the people who play it for us, for the spectacle it provides us. Let’s get back to sport being something that brings us together.
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