Having defeated the West Indians in the Test series, Australia set their sights higher to include the North, South and East Indians, or, as they’re more commonly known, India, in the one-day series. First stop, Perth.
Here are the ratings from the first ODI.
Debutants
Grade: B-
The big stories dominating the media leading into the match were the death of David Bowie and the resolution of the Essendon saga. Everywhere you went, people were asking ‘What was your favourite Essendon song?’
To be honest, I’m not completely clear on what the Essendon thing is all about. Heck, I barely even know what an Essendon is. But I’m sure the best solution to the problem would be to extend the Sheffield Shield throughout winter. Admittedly, this is often my preferred solution to most problems.
Failing this, however, what people needed was something new and exciting to take their mind off the troubles of the world. And Australia and India provided, with four debutants between them.
Here’s how their performances ranked.
1. George Bailey’s new hat
2. Barinder Sran
3. Joel Paris
4. Scott Boland
Paris marginally ahead of Boland due to the pun potential of his name, of course.
George Bailey’s Hat
Grade: A
But, yes, despite the best efforts of the other debutants, it was George Bailey’s hat that took all the attention. A canary yellow wide-brimmed hat that had social media abuzz.
Within minutes of the hat’s appearance, two ‘George Bailey’s Hat’ twitter accounts emerged. And immediately started squabbling with one another. Where were you in the Great George Bailey’s Hat Twitter Feud of 2016?
In fact, the only thing that could have made the hat more talked about would be if Bailey had removed it to reveal an entire watermelon which he devoured whole.
Keep an eye out for that in the second ODI.
Run Rate Change
Grade: F
Despite the best efforts of Bailey’s hat and the rest of the Australian debutants, India cruised to a total of 3/309 off their 50 overs with Rohit Sharma leading the way, like some kind of SuperBrathwaite, with 171 not out off 163 balls.
There is a lot of talk about increasing run rates in one-day internationals. Frankly, I don’t believe any of it. I am an ODI run rate change denier. And even if run rates have changed, I don’t believe that this change is man-made.
Put your statistics away, doomsayers. As Twitter user Mitch Pearce pointed out to me, if run rates have increased, then why are there still maiden overs?
Exactly.
Enough of the lies.
George Bailey’s Batting Stance
Grade: A-
After early wickets fell in the run chase, George Bailey came out to bat. Shockingly, he wasn’t wearing his hat. But he did have something else to keep fans entertained – a new batting stance.
First, the hat. Then, the batting stance.
What will Bailey unleash on us next?
I’m going with George Bailey’s Eurovision party.
Dud Decisions
Grade: B
George Bailey’s first ball was tickled down the leg side for a simple catch to the keeper. However, he was given not out. And since India continue to refuse to allow DRS, he remained in.
As always, dud decisions against India remain the funniest thing in the game. I’d go so far as to say that players who walk against every other team should still never walk against India, precisely because of the comedy potential if they’re given not out.
(Also, they should stop walking against all the other teams too. Because walking is wrong.)
But imagine if the BCCI actually disapprove of W G Grace and their ‘no DRS’ position was always intended to be a ban on doctors? That’d be crazy. I mean, come on guys. Communicate.
In the press conference after the game, India captain MS Dhoni suggested that 50-50 decisions go against his team, precisely because they don’t want DRS.
I kind of love this conspiracy theory. I also think it’s probably true. Because, heck, umpires have senses of humour too.
If I had a friend who didn’t believe in seat belts because they didn’t prevent one hundred percent of deaths, I’d crash my car all over the place. Just for kicks.
No, I’m just kidding. I don’t even have a car.
Or a friend.
The reprieved Bailey combined with captain Steve Smith for a 242 run partnership that took Australia to the brink of victory, before James Faulkner came in with two runs needed to win. He faced a wide, then tapped a single to long on to give Australia a comfortable win.
Faulkner! The Finisher!! How often has he done it for Australia!!
Despite Faulkner’s outstanding finishing, though, the highlight of the chase was still Bailey’s century. It came up via an overthrow, after him being wrongly given not out first ball to a decision that couldn’t be overturned because the opposition refuses to use DRS.
And in that moment, 2016 was okay again.
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