Dragons v Storm Win Jubilee Oval, Sydney Friday 7.35pm: If you listen very, very carefully to the telecast of this match, sometime during the match you will hear a distinct popping noise.
No need to be alarmed, unless of course you are a Dragons fan (that’ll make for three nervous people). It’s simply the sound of Jamie Soward’s bubble bursting. Storm by 10.
Titans v The Team With Major Problems No-One Wants to Notice Skilled Stadium, Gold Coast Friday 7.35pm
Milkmaids Prop, Carl Webb is filthy at Karmichael Hunt for announcing his AFL defection and stealing the big man’s thunder. Apparently Webby was on the cusp of announcing that he too is walking away from the NRL, to take up a lucrative deal on the Pro Hot Dog Eating Tour. After a long spell of comfort eating, Webb has moved on, but it won’t help the Cows escape another dismal flogging. Titans by 30+
Raiders v Broncos Canberra Stadium, Antarctica Saturday 5.30pm
Speaking of Not-So-Special-K, everyone in and around the Club, including his Team mates, had no idea that he was about to drop the AFL bombshell, but Round Review Ninjas have had their suspicions for weeks. After keeping tabs on K’s movements recently, the Ninjas found that Karmichael was frequently drinking lattes, getting his hair done, watching ‘The Notebook’ over and over, not to mention his recently acquired penchant for dropping the ball just as he catches it. If only we had noticed the signs, they were there for all to see! Good riddance. Raiders by 20.
Panthers v Warriors CUA Stadium, Penrith Saturday 7.30pm
In a week of unprecedented moves, the Warriors may just take the cake for the most out of left field. After struggling with their go-forward for months now, Ivan Cleary, Coach of the Wannabe-Aussies, has given former New Zealand Prime Minister, Helen Clark, a call up to the front row. If you’ve ever seen Helen, you’d know she is a hard nut, and would no doubt display more evidence of testicles than most of her new found Team Mates … mainly because … well, there’s no other way to put this, she has enormous testicles. Helen and the Boys by 8.
Knights v Roosters Energy Australia Stadium, Newcastle Saturday 7.30pm
Some may think that Brian Smith is a great Coach, I would suggest the jury is still out. But there can be no doubt that the man can get a little confused, as illustrated by his Coaching decisions whenever his Teams play in a game that matters. I’m picking that confusion will reign again in this one, with Smithy supposedly currently Coaching the Knights, yet boycotting Newey to take over at the Chook Pen in 2010, what are the odds of Brian not knowing exactly which of these Teams he is actually Coaching on Saturday? Fairly short I’m guessing, much like the Roosters chances of winning. Knights by 12.
Sharks v Eels Toyota Stadium, Cronulla Sunday 2.00pm
Amazing story circulating during the week details the miraculous rescue of a Chinese diver, who was returned to the surface by a near-by Buluga whale. The Whale, who has been nicknamed ‘Sweetsour Combination’ by the local media, has been thrust into the spotlight, with numerous endorsement opportunities coming to light. No offer has been more lucrative however, than the offer of the Parramatta Eels, who have paid a tidy sum for old ‘Sweetsour’ to stop their season from sinking after this one. I’m thinking this signing will pan out much like the Timana Tahu one…Sharks by 5.
Rabbitohs v Bulldogs ANZ Stadium, Sydney Sunday 3.00pm
With the dust having settled on Craig Wing’s Japanese Rugby defection, many are now looking into just why Wingy decided to pull the plug on his deal with the Bunnie-Bun-Buns. Round Review insiders can reveal that once Wing’s Manager, Wayne Butthead, erm, Beavis, found out that the Japanese Billionaire owner of not only the Yamagoshi Hasbeens, but also the Country’s most popular brand of Dishwashing detergent ‘Washed Up’ was looking for a spokesperson, he knew what he had to do. Apparently there is even a catch cry in an upcoming ad that says ‘Do you like to play dirty tricks, like walk out on a contract? Then get ‘Washed Up!…Lord knows, I am’ Projected orders have reached 7 figures, much like the scoreline in this one. Dogs by millions.
Tigers v Sea Eagles Sydney Football Stadium, Sydney Monday 7.00pm
In an effort to steal some of the fabled aura of the ‘Fibros vs Silvertails’ heritage for this match, Manly Coach Des Hasler has insisted that his players slap each other about the face at each training session, in order to tap into that old Western Suburbs aggression, something people on the peninsula know nothing about. Dessie’s ploy has backfired however, with Anthony Watmough being ruled out of the match with a bruised ego after being slapped a little too aggressively by one of the Sea Eagle’s Cheerleaders. Look for the REAL Fibros to channel the ghosts of Bruiser and Magpies of old and come away with the chocolates. Tigers by 4 (yes, this WILL be a tight one).
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