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Despite spending the week in NSW Cup as punishment for breaking the Chooks’ strict alcohol policy, Willie Mason is still fiercly protesting his innocence.
At a loss to explain the source of the alcohol on his breath at the time of being busted, Mason has taken the extraordinary step of having the paper of his original contract tested for traces of the demon drink, as even he realises he has been playing like a drunk since he signed it.
Broncos by 20.
Eels v Dragons Parramatta Stadium, Parramatta Friday 7.35pm
First it was Brett Finch being shown the door. But the late mail says that Parramatta Coach, Daniel Anderson is not done there. Apparently unhappy with the structure in the club, Anderson has decided enough is enough and weilded his considerable power over the team, sacking everyone he deemed to be under-performing. As a result, Parramatta will not be fielding a team this week. He even sacked himself!
Dragons by forfeit.
Sharks v Raiders Toyota Stadium, Cronulla Saturday 5.30pm
The Raiders were on the cusp of a major coup, with plans scrapped at the eleventh hour to have them starring in a Sex in the City based documentary on rugby league players and their female admirers (read, groupies).
The problem was, once filming started in all sorts of places normally associated with footy players picking up chicks, none of the girls knew who the hell these blokes were! The boys egos have been somewhat rebuilt with a new plan put forward to have them remake the classic film The Good, the Bad and The Ugly, with Terry Campese starring as the Good, the Cronulla Sharks as The Bad … and Alan Tongue as The Ugly.
Raiders by 12.
Storm v Panthers Olympic Park, Melbourne Saturday 7.30pm
The Panthers showed last week that dreams can come true by swamping the Tigers at CUA. This week they look to keep the dream alive at Melbourne’s graveyard, Olympic Park. I, for one, believe they can do it, but then again I believe in the tooth fairy, that my wife likes me, and that people think I’m funny.
Oh look, a flying pig!
Panthers by 7 (until I wake from this dream-like state)
Cowboys v Titans Dairy Farmers Stadium, Townsville Saturday 7.30pm
This game was almost called off during the week after a knee-jerk reaction local medical experts. Already on high alert after a massive outbreak of Dengue Fever in Townsville, local doctors believed that after showing obvious Dengue symptoms such as lack of co-ordination, fear of being hurt, and choking whilst under pressure, the entire Cowboys First Grade squad should be placed in quarantine.
Tests revealed not a single case of the highly contagious disease, and rightfully so. Everyone knows the Cows have suffered from those symptoms for years, and it has nothing to do with mosquitos.
Titans by 8.
Knights v Warriors Energy Australia Stadium, Newcastle Sunday 2.00pm
The Knights have shown they are full of surprises so far this season. They surprised us all with their e thusiasm, which led to a couple of wins.
The Novocastrians have also surprised us by unearthing a few talented young guns to the NRL, but perhaps the biggest surprise is the fact that Brian Smith hasn’t drive the club into the ground just yet. Let’s hope the Knights don’t make the Grand Final.
I can’t see anyone being surprised by the result if Smithy is coaching.
Knights in a close on.
Eagles v Tigers Brookvale Oval, Manly Sunday 3.00pm
In an effort to get some more families to the game, Eagles boffins have decided that everyone at the ground, including the players, should dress up in fancy dress costumes.
Returning Eagles fullback, Bret Stewart will be playing dressed appropriately as a goose, whilst cash strapped Tigers winger, Taniela Tuiaki will be saving on a costume, by going as a tank.
Tigers by 50 (I know, but give a man his dreams)
Bulldogs v Rabbitohs ANZ Stadium, Sydney Monday 7.00pm
With the Sydney Royal Easter Show opening this week, the Rabbitohs have sprung into the Easter spirit by arranging some Sideshow Alley type attractions as entertainment before the match.
Roll up, roll up and see the ‘Worlds Most Over Rated Man’, David Kidwell, The Mind Controller, Beau Champion, who makes people believe ridiculous things, such as him being good enough for First Grade, ‘The No Name’, Luke Capwell, not to mention the ‘Most Beautiful Man in the Cosmos’, Craig Wing.
However, organisers are sure the biggest attraction will be the ‘Dunk a Dog Amusement,’ all the Bunnies players are already lining up for their shot.
Rabbits by 6.
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