With the Swine virus taking the world by storm, it’s only natural for people to be on high alert to the dangers, and the NRL are no different. David Gallop and his boffins have released a bulletin on spotting the symptoms of this deadly flu strain.
We have come across a copy of the bulletin here at Round Review HQ and can confirm that the symptoms include stunted growth, poor co-ordination, heart shrinkage and over-inflated self worth.
Manly wasted no time after receiving the bulletin and immediately omitted Matt Orford from this week’s team to face the Storm and placed him in quarantine.
This should be enough to give the Birds a win.
Eels v Cowboys Parramatta Stadium, Parramatta Friday 7.35pm
With all the attention league’s bad-boys get in the media, we at the Round Review are happy to report a feel good story this week.
Already one of the most generous clubs with their time for charity, the Cowboys have this week decided they would go all out and provide a very needy cause, the Parramatta Eels, with a win this weekend. As generous as they may be, I’m not sure even the Cows can pull off an act of kindness of this magnitude.
Cows by 4.
Titans v Rabbitohs Skilled Park, Gold Coast Saturday 3.00pm
Television viewers were miffed this week when they tuned into what they thought was a triumphant return of the hit show ‘Thank God You’re Here’, only to find they had merely stumbled on a Gold Coast Titans training session where the club welcomed back Mat Rogers and Luke Bailey from injury.
If this is the end of the divine intervention, I think the Titans might be saying ‘Thank God That’s Over’ after 80 minutes on Saturday.
Bunnies by 19.
Sharks v Roosters Toyota Stadium, Cronulla Saturday 5.30pm
With the economic downturn starting to bite some clubs hard, the NRL has implemented a tough, but fair, law, known as the ‘Anasta Rule’, to assist some struggling clubs financially.
The game’s governing body has decided that any players not performing to the size of their contract must pay back whatever portion of the money the club is playing them that they are not earning by way of their displays on the paddock.
As if this wasn’t bad enough, but poor old Braith Anasta has had to endure the constant taunts of his team mates, who have dubbed him ‘Bankrupt Braith’, and those closest to him are hoping he can put the hurt behind him and lead the Chooks to a win. We doubt it.
Sharks by 10.
Knights v Broncos Saturday 7.30pm
Broncos Nick Kenny and Steve Michaels were given a stern talking to by Police in Byron Bay last weekend after being found urinating in public. When asked by the officer just what they thought they were doing, Kenny and Michaels replied that it was all a misunderstanding.
Apparently the boys had been playing a game of charades, and had attempted to accurately act out what the result of this game would be, by pissing away the nights.
Broncos by 20.
Raiders v Panthers Canberra Stadium, Canberra Saturday 7.30pm
Having watched most of Penriths matches this season, I was almost convinced that nothing on earth hits harder than the Panthers’ forwards. That was, until I saw Dane Tilse’s profile photo in the Raiders team guide, and decided that whoever hit Dane with the ugly stick obvious hits much harder than any Penrith player.
Look for Dane to cop another pounding this week, this time on the scoreboard.
Panthers by 24.
Dragons v Warriors WIN Stadium, Wollongong Sunday 2.00pm
If ever anyone questioned Warrior half Stacey Jones’ standing in the game, they need look no further than this game. After Stacey’s ridiculous missed field goal last week from 12 meters out, right in front, the NRL have taken an extraordinary step for this match to save His Toothlessness any more embarrassment.
Despite protests from the Dragons, David Gallop has demanded that the goal posts be changed to the little 5′ high posts used in the half-time kids matches on game day, just so Stacey might be a chance of kicking the ball through.
Unfortunately, even if he does, it won’t make a difference to the result. I’m saying he makes one, though.
Dragons by 39.
Bulldogs v Tigers ANZ Stadium, Sunday 3.00pm
The Round Review Undercover Brothers have unveiled a botched secret plot by Bulldogs’ grub, Michael Ennis to harm Tigers Champion, Robbie Farah as the two prepare to duke it out for the New South Wales hooking role in this clash.
Ennis’s plan was to have his very own team of scientists concoct a unique potion to diminish Farah’s superior skills and make him look decidedly ordinary against his opposite number, enhancing The Menace’s chances of a blue jersey.
However, when the pocket protector wearing, trench coat clad geeks watched tape of Farah’s performances for The People’s Champion in 2009, they realised that no amount of formula brewing was going to make Ennis look good next to that and canned the idea altogether. They did suggest he try and slip Farah a dose of whatever Brett Kimmorely has been taking his whole career, because he looks crap compared to anyone!
Tigers by a thousand.
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