Welcome once again to the round review. I feel almost human again, the Tigers are back in the game!
Broncos v Titans Suncorp Stadium, Brisbane, Friday 7.35pm
I will be at this game, as a pseudo Titans’ supporter…This is akin to Kuwait calling in Operation Desert Storm. Game Over. Titans by 20.
Dragons v Bulldogs WIN Jubilee Stadium, Friday 7.35pm
Kogarah residents reported strange popping noises from their general vicinity last weekend, causing a minor ruckus with the local authorities. Police were happy to report that there was nothing to be alarmed about, the noise was merely the Dragons’ bubble bursting. Dogs by 10.
Roosters v Knights Sydney Football Stadium, Sydney, Saturday 5.30pm
With their Premiership fortunes all but spent, the Roosters have turned their attention to a new venture in the field of the arts. Chooks Chairman, Nick Politis has reached an agreement with the Sydney Museum to contribute to a new fossil exhibit on the museum’s grounds. When asked how much cash he had put forward for the new initiative, Politis replied that it had cost him nothing. He just submitted Willie Mason, Mark O’Meley and Craig Fitzgibbon for display. Knights by 12.
Panthers v Sharks CUA Stadium, Penrith, Saturday 7.30pm
Penrith to win. (Note, this review was paid by the word by the Cronulla Sharks who, due to their financial position, could only afford 2 words. Penrith doesn’t count as a word, or a city for that matter).
Eagles v Eels Brookvale Oval, Manly, Sunday 2.00pm
Neither of these teams are even remotely entertaining, so the NRL has decided to have the match decided by a game of paper-scissors-rock. In further evidence that footballers aren’t the brightest sparks, several players have put their hand up to participate, with Anthony Watmough volunteering to use his head for the rock, and David Williams offering up the scissors that should have been used long ago to cut his beard. Their embarrassment paled in comparison to that of Eels diving whinger, Jarryd Hayne, who was asked to submit his defensive capabilities…as paper. Eels by 6.
Warriors v Cowboys Mt Not That Smart Stadium, New Zealand, Sunday 2.00pm
Cowboys Superstar Johnathan Thurston was all the rage last week, scoring five tries in two matches for both club and country in the space of 24 hours. This week, JT is looking to perform another hat-trick, this time at half time of the main game. To entertain the crowd during the break, Thurston will attempt to land a hat on the head of a randomly selected member of the crowd. Considering there is a strong chance the contestant will be a Townsville local, I’m guessing he is going to have some trouble deciding which head to aim for! Cows by 3….
Tigers v Rabbitohs Sydney Cricket Ground, Sydney, Sunday 3.00pm
With reports from Tiger Town of an injury crisis striking down several key players, super coach Tim Sheens has given several players from the Leichardt Wanderers Under 7’s squad a chance to make a name for themselves by naming them in the first grade squad for this encounter with the Bunnies. After hearing that a 7 year old girl was named at halfback, Rabbitoh coach, Jason Taylor, was seen vigorously changing his game plan to account for the marked improvement in defence from the new Tigers Number 7, in comparison to that jersey’s normal occupant. Won’t help much though….Tigers by 34.
Storm v Raiders Olympic Park, Melbourne, Monday 7.00pm
Former Raider wild child, Todd Carney, has hit the headlines again this week when he was photographed sporting a black eye and several other cuts and abrasions whilst out in public. The initial reports had stated Carney was the victim of a viscous bashing, but these reports have been proven to be false. The real story is that Carney was on his way to a fancy dress party, and decided to go as the Canberra Raiders, as they would look after this game. Storm by 20.
Good luck to all, and go the Tigers!
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