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How will Punter and his troops go in The Ashes?

Roar Guru
7th July, 2009
4

Ricky Ponting will lead the team to a narrow series victory to exorcise the 2005 demons. He will hit one sparkling century and little else. He will still divide people by the end of it all.

Did you know he is the nephew of Greg Campbell (4 Tests, 13 wickets at 39)? Me neither.

Michael Clarke (VC)
Will be distracted by Ms Bingle’s complaints. Main gripes? A lack of ice in her alcopops and the limited feedback from her only Twitter follower, Michael Clarke. Will keep his spot in the Test team by virtue of no other fit batsman lurking in the sheds (see Shane Watson below).

Simon Katich (should be VC)
Will grind out the runs as attractively as ever. Will continue to niggle opposition batsman and will take the positives out of Stalin’s reign if quizzed on the regime at a press conference. By the end of the tour, even my seven year old arts-minded nephew will be asking why he didn’t do more bowling.

Phillip Hughes
Interesting to see how the handles the short stuff. He’s done it to great effect at Shield level and on the veldt, so a couple of lame Northerners shouldn’t put him off, provided his head is right and his skipper says the right things to him.

Michael Hussey
A welcome return to form for Mr Cricket in the tour match. Will play and snick as many as he plays and misses. Likely to have a quiet series and return to Australia amid loud calls by the southern press to reinstate the plucky 35 year old, Brad Hodge.

Marcus North
The fact that he has represented five different county teams should theoretically mean that he knows the conditions. Theoretically. Sandwiched in the order between Mr Cricket and “Buckets” Haddin, he is likely to be the one trying to work miracles with the tail.

Brad Haddin
Expect Buckets to drop an average of two catches per Test in between some truly appalling work behind the stumps. Should contribute a couple of flighty 50s before throwing his wicket away. Dropped by the final Test, never to represent again.

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Mitchell Johnson
The lead up form has not been impressive. Will need to get the ball coming back into right-handers, like he did versus the cheerful South Africans, if he is to have an impact. If he’s off-song, the whole thing could go to pot.

Stuart Clark
The metronome will do no more than we expect: 17 wickets at approximately 26.62 apiece. Two haircuts on tour, one before the Headingly Test. Look out for it.

Peter Siddle
A durable type who will keep trudging in as the shadows lengthen. Will be Australia’s top wicket-taker for the series.

Ben Hilfenhaus
Will be unplayable when the conditions suit, but the conditions may not suit often enough.

Brett Lee
Lead up form irresistible, but his aging fragile body has already ruled him out of early part of series. Not enough overs under his belt to have a serious impact on the series, though he will be “working tirelessly and hitting the bat hard” in the nets to get back. Return to the XI may be delayed by lack of available ice packs (see Shane Watson below).

Nathan Hauritz
If he gets a Test on tour it will only be a Test, as KP (or perhaps Jimmy Anderson) bludgeons him around the park. Would not surprise to see him switch from non-spinning off-spinner to innocuous medium pacer by the end of the tour.

Andrew MacDonald
Handy but ineffective at this level. Should only get a Test if Alex Kontouris rules himself out.

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Graham Manou
A respectable first class average of about 25 suggests that, if he can catch too, then he’ll be in the Test team by The Oval.

Shane “Ice Pack” Watson
Move along. Nothing to see here. Expect him to twang a hammy at his next first class at bat. For NSW next season. Queensland, I implore you – we’ll pay you cash to take him back!

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