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Rugby players who fit their team's emblems

If the Reds played their cards right, they could have had Israel Folau in their side. (Photo: supplied)
Expert
3rd September, 2014
68
1792 Reads

Rugby has a wide array of symbols, emblems, and mascots and consequently, players often seem miscast. Bakkies Botha as a graceful gazelle? Leight Halfpenny a massive mythological dragon?

Can Will Skelton hop like a wallaby? Is Ben Smith really all that black?

On the other hand, some players do fit the symbol.

Fumiaki Tanaka is blossoming in New Zealand; he cherry picks when to snipe, or pop open defences.

I am a fan of Japan’s cherry blossoms – I understand that entire villages in Japan drink sake at midnight and wait for the first cherry tree to blossom.

As a rugby emblem, however, it does not inspire fear. Even a Brave Blossom does not seem as if it would trouble a Gallic rooster, for instance. But Tanaka is my pick: he fits Japan’s symbolic best.

Japan is not alone in picking flora as a rugby mascot. Scotland has no animal; they play for the Thistle.

When I contemplate who fits that emblem best, I ponder these attributes: a thistle has sharp prickles, it is a Celtic symbol of noble character, and evokes memories of defence. Invading (barefoot) Norsemen stepped on these thistles and woke up sleeping Scots.

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The current Scottish rugby team does not seem very good at defending itself, but I suppose I will choose Alasdair Strokosch because he has a black belt in karate, has a nice look (and thistles have a rugged beauty, like a bald bearded man can sometimes have), and he is definitely prickly.

Ireland has the shamrock as its symbol. A lucky little sprig of clover – the symbol of wit and valour.

So, that’s Brian O’Driscoll in a nutshell.

New Zealand also has an affinity for a plant, the lovely silver fern or ponga, which grows quite tall at times (ten metres or so), but does not do very well outside its native growing zone.

This is why New Zealand Rugby Union does not allow overseas-based players to be All Blacks. The nickname of All Blacks and the symbol of the silver fern seem to me to be contradictory.

Ben Smith is my pick for the anthropomorphism of the great silver fern. He looks wispy and could guide your path on a night hike if you left your torch behind.

But if I was thinking of someone to be all together black, I’d select Ma’a Nonu. He has a heart of darkness.

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Perhaps a compromise would be Kieren Read, because he is tall like a fern, and plays like a forward-back, which is one of the legends behind the name “All Black” (a London reporter supposedly said the Invincibles played like they were “all backs”).

But you never know how nicknames really started.

The Australian team was nicknamed derisively the “Rabbits” by the annoying London press in 1907, and the tourists felt so insulted they chose the Wallaby instead.

A Wallaby is a member of the kangaroo clan, so it is probably an upgrade from a rabbit; it jumps higher, has a pouch, a much longer tail, bigger feet, stronger legs, and a longer life span.

Still, a wallaby is quite cute. And not huge, maybe 1.8 metres tops? They kick when threatened; and have flat teeth. And they have a pouch; maybe a man purse?

I think James O’Connor is still the quintessential Wallaby because he has very strong legs, flat teeth, and kicks like a kangaroo, but perhaps Adam Ashley-Cooper is, too. And he never left Australia.

Yes, I think Adam Ashley-Cooper is the Wallaby. He puts the ball into his arms as if they are a pouch; it never comes out.

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I don’t think a puma would be frightened by a wallaby.

Argentina is still deciding if they are jaguars or pumas. In 1965, while they toured Rhodesia (losing 12-17 in Salisbury), a local journalist decided the jaguar on their jerseys looked more like a puma, and the name stuck.

They’re both cats. They’re both big (for a cat). Only a lion or tiger is bigger than a jaguar. A jaguar weighs between 80 and 120 kilograms, precisely the range in mass on the current Los Pumas.

A puma is a bit lighter and smaller, but also faster. However, a puma has larger hind paws.

Interestingly, a puma cannot roar. Only a jaguar can roar. But I digress.

Juan Martin Fernandez Lobbe is the puma or the jaguar. He hunts. He is graceful for a big cat, and is more of a black jaguar.

Jaguars and pumas would definitely hunt springboks. But just like how they couldn’t outrace Bryan Habana (or even Ruan Pienaar) in their two recent Tests, Los Pumas cannot match the 88 km/h Springbok.

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A springbok is an antelope or gazelle who mates year-round, does not make loud sounds, and comes in three colours: black, white, and tan, they also trek in large groups.

A springbok can really jump: two metres or more, vertically and at least four metres forward.

Rather than wait, on their 1906-07 tour of the United Kingdom, for London journalists to call them warthogs or something, Paul Roos and his uniform-less, nickname-free team came up with the springbok as their symbol.

Currently, I’d say Willie le Roux or Bryan Habana are the most Springbokky of the Springboks.

Cornal Hendricks is also gazelle-like, and he was also able to beat the Red Dragons of Wales (and the Pumas) with his agility.

I think Jamie Roberts is the best fit for the Welsh emblem – the ‘Y Ddraig Goch’.

In Welsh mythology, the dragon is big, but actually benevolent – maybe even misunderstood.

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This reptilian creature crops up all over the place: in Japan, Korea, and Greece. Huge, scaly and scary, but really only has one real tactic. Yes, I think Roberts is the Red Dragon.

From the massive to the tiny (but very combative), we go to France.

The golden Gallic rooster, coq gaulois, is aggressive, a symbol of the Revolution, and of course, ever vigilant. Given such a description there is appears no-one in the French team like that, at the moment.

What say you, fellow Roarers? Who fits the teams’ symbols best?

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