The never-ending Ashes tour continued to never end, with England successfully chasing 300 in what is somehow only the fourth one-day international of this series.
The series is level at two games apiece, setting things up for a decider in the final game, should such a concept exist.
Here are the ratings for the fourth ODI.
David Willey
Grade: A-
England selected left-arm fast-medium bowler David Willey in their team, replacing, oh, let’s say Steven Finn. The selection of Willey proved to be a masterstroke as he unleashed high quality swing bowling to reduce Australia to 3-30 in the ninth over, taking the wickets of Alex Doolan impersonator Joe Burns, David Warner impersonator Aaron Finch and Steve Smith impersonator Steve Smith.
Imagine! The Australian batting undone by swing bowling on this tour. Who’d have thought it?
Even more exciting than Willey’s bowling, however, was the potential for the commentators to reimagine the classic commentary once used with respect to his father of “the bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey”.
Why, in this game alone, there was the potential for ‘the commentator’s Holding, the bowler’s Willey’. Or ‘the batsman Burns, the bowler’s Willey’. Or ‘the batsman’s Wade, the bowler’s Willey’ (about 200 grams, in case you’re wondering).
None of these options were taken by the commentary team, alas. Let’s hope they’re not waiting for Ben Cutting to return to the Australian team.
Glenn Maxwell’s batting
Grade: A+
Willey’s careless early wickets, however, meant that Glenn Maxwell made his way to the crease with more than 40 overs left in the innings. Incredibly poorly thought through from Team England, who had opened the door for the first ever ODI triple century.
Maxwell, naturally, kicked that door to pieces and set off in pursuit of the record, working his way to a sedate, stress-free 47* (41).
(As always, the words used to describe a Maxwell innings need to be adjusted from their regular English meanings into their Maxwellian equivalent. So, yes, 47* (41) is ‘sedate’ in Maxwell-speak. And ‘stress-free’ allows for him to have been dropped twice. And, of course, ‘centuries’ should be considered to be ‘very high scores just short of a multiple of 100 because Maxwell gives no heed to arbitrary base 10 milestones’.)
From there, Maxwell accelerated, blasting consecutive sixes off Adil Rashid to race past 50, then unveiled his full bag of batting tricks before finally, inevitably, being bowled reverse-sweeping Moeen Ali for 85 (64), just one scoring shot short of a thrilling single hundred.
Yes, one scoring shot. Because, again, we’re talking about Glenn Maxwell.
Friends
Grade: B+
After Maxwell left, Australia collapsed, then recovered again to eventually post 7-299 from their 50 overs.
During the innings break, Australian viewers were given a repeat of the sitcom Friends to help them pass the time. Sadly, we were left on a cliffhanger, with Rachel at the airport, waiting for Ross to return from his trip to China, completely oblivious to the fact he’d brought back a new girlfriend. Oh no! Poor Rachel!
Instead of finding out what happened next, however, we were thrown back to the Channel Nine studios where a completely different brand of on-again, off-again simmering sexual chemistry was in evidence with Tubby and Bing ready to throw the broadcast back to the commentary team at Headingley.
And by ‘Tubby’ and ‘Bing’, I’m referring, of course, to Mark ‘Tubby’ Taylor and Brett ‘Bing’ Lee. As opposed to, y’know, Monica Geller in a fat suit and Chandler Bing.
Glenn Maxwell’s fielding
Grade: A+
Maxwell had already saved Australia with his batting. Now he attempted to do the same in the field. First, he caught Eoin Morgan with what was basically just a regulation screamer at backward point.
Then he somehow topped that with a juggling boundary catch of Liam Plunkett in the outfield. Losing his balance near the boundary rope as he took the catch, Maxwell kept his right foot in, then put his right foot out, then put his right foot back in and Plunkett was caught out.
We’ve seen hokey-pokey catches like this before, of course, but this one was pretty remarkable even by the standards of such grabs. Every single part of the process was perched right at the very edge of human capabilities, and Maxwell navigated them all, barely breaking a sweat.
The third umpire Joel Wilson was called on to adjudicate the effort, and eventually told his on-field counterparts that it was a ‘fair catch’.
Pretty hard to impress is umpire Wilson. Personally, I’d have sent it back with at least a ‘somewhat amazing catch’.
England run chasing
Grade: B+
Sadly, for Maxwell, all his superhuman feats were to no avail. England, led by Morgan, who made a run a ball 92, paced their chase to perfection, reaching their target of 300 with 10 balls to spare.
I dunno. England as a competent chasing team? I’m not sure I like this development. Still, there are four years until the next World Cup. Plenty of time for them to mess things up between now and then.
Heartbreak for Scotland and Chris Sole!
When Glenn Maxwell was comprehensively bowled by a sensational delivery from Mark Watt, Scotland seemed on the verge of their greatest victory ever. Needing…
Boy, will England hate seeing that!
It was one of Australia's six drops for the innings as Scotland made 5-180.
While the second one was a little tricky, the Aussie skipper should have taken the other two.
