Queensland own us, now and forever

Dane Eldridge Columnist

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    What is life? Is it a sequence of moments, the enrichment of relationships, childbirth, or the majesty of mayonnaise and burger fat combining on a Bacon Deluxe?

    It is none of these, you stupid dreamer.

    More Origin 3 coverage:
    » GORE: Hang your heads in shame, NSW
    » Liebke Ratings: State of Origin Game 3
    » ELDRIDGE: Queensland own us, now and forever
    » NSW Blues Player Ratings
    » Queensland Maroons Player Ratings
    » Game 3 match report: Maroons keep their dynasty alive
    » Five talking points from Origin Game 3
    » WATCH: Highlights from Origin Game 3
    » How it happened: Re-live Game 3 with our live blog

    Life is now the routine procedure of New South Welshpeople having their optimism clinically extinguished by the Queensland Origin team, just with varying rates throughout of car rego and halves combinations.

    According to the Telstra Tracker, there have been 15 instances in the last decade of it being New South Wales’ ‘time’.

    However, against a side that led for two minutes the entire series, and habitually overlooked form players while being undermined by Wayne Bennett, Wednesday night’s opportunity to overthrow the Maroons was like chasing The Chaser without their buzzer.

    The 22-6 loss at Suncorp not only clinched another series failure for New South Wales, it proved the state is unshakably entombed within the most steadfast psychological grip known to cognitive science.

    Medically speaking, Queensland own New South Wales all up in the melon. Chronically and indelibly.

    So with no foreseeable cure to our mental subordination, it is time for this state to cut its losses and relent to the enemy’s sovereignty.

    As a result of Wednesday night’s soul-wrecking capitulation, New South Wales will now be handed over to the traditional controlling body of Queensland, Adani.

    This will see our beautiful reefs dredged and our exquisite panoramas bulldozed with theme parks, before the border is flung open to be overrun with Queensland’s most exotic reptiles like geckos and Bob Katter.

    Eventually, the birth certificates of all New South Welshpeople will also be updated to reflect Queensland heritage, just like bona fides such as Brad Thorn, Adrian Lam and Tonie Carroll.

    Cameron Smith Queensland Maroons State of Origin NRL Rugby League 2017

    (AAP Image/Dave Hunt)

    Following this, legislation will be brought into line with rugby league, and we will all begin following the instructions of Cameron Smith.

    This edict will then be celebrated together as one uneasy, blended family over gourmet cuisine at Hogs Breath Cafe.

    While this unfortunate takeover by Queensland has the potential to be seen as highly unpalatable and unnecessary, I, for one, welcome our new overlords.

    Remember the thrill of Mark Geyer standing over Wally Lewis? Nope, me neither.

    In saying that, I now believe Trevor Gillmeister played 12 hours after almost dying, I appreciate Paul Vautin’s views on rugby league, and why is Allan Langer constantly criticised for spending more time on the field than the referees?

    I once treasured the raspy commentary of Jack Gibson, but now everyone shut up because either Darren Lockyer is talking or the bloke next door is trimming his purple beech with an angle grinder.

    My favourite player from my home state is no longer Greg Inglis, it’s now Greg Inglis.

    Now when I think of wet hands where they shouldn’t be, I don’t think of the inappropriate conduct of Blues bonding camps, I think of Greg Dowling under the sticks at the SCG.

    And I’ve hung a picture of Barry Gomersall in my house, but I still find Bill Harrigan to be pretty grating.

    New South Wales and Queensland may go together like Julian Assange and Pamela Anderson, but we have no choice.

    This is the life of the Blues now. You don’t honestly believe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, do you?

    Dane Eldridge
    Dane Eldridge

    Dane was named best and fairest in the 2004 Bathurst mixed indoor cricket competition. With nothing in the game left to achieve, he immediately retired at his peak to a reclusive life ensconced in the velvet of organised contests. Catch the man on Twitter @eld2_0.