Queensland own us, now and forever

Dane Eldridge Columnist

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    What is life? Is it a sequence of moments, the enrichment of relationships, childbirth, or the majesty of mayonnaise and burger fat combining on a Bacon Deluxe?

    It is none of these, you stupid dreamer.

    More Origin 3 coverage:
    » GORE: Hang your heads in shame, NSW
    » Liebke Ratings: State of Origin Game 3
    » ELDRIDGE: Queensland own us, now and forever
    » NSW Blues Player Ratings
    » Queensland Maroons Player Ratings
    » Game 3 match report: Maroons keep their dynasty alive
    » Five talking points from Origin Game 3
    » WATCH: Highlights from Origin Game 3
    » How it happened: Re-live Game 3 with our live blog

    Life is now the routine procedure of New South Welshpeople having their optimism clinically extinguished by the Queensland Origin team, just with varying rates throughout of car rego and halves combinations.

    According to the Telstra Tracker, there have been 15 instances in the last decade of it being New South Wales’ ‘time’.

    However, against a side that led for two minutes the entire series, and habitually overlooked form players while being undermined by Wayne Bennett, Wednesday night’s opportunity to overthrow the Maroons was like chasing The Chaser without their buzzer.

    The 22-6 loss at Suncorp not only clinched another series failure for New South Wales, it proved the state is unshakably entombed within the most steadfast psychological grip known to cognitive science.

    Medically speaking, Queensland own New South Wales all up in the melon. Chronically and indelibly.

    So with no foreseeable cure to our mental subordination, it is time for this state to cut its losses and relent to the enemy’s sovereignty.

    As a result of Wednesday night’s soul-wrecking capitulation, New South Wales will now be handed over to the traditional controlling body of Queensland, Adani.

    This will see our beautiful reefs dredged and our exquisite panoramas bulldozed with theme parks, before the border is flung open to be overrun with Queensland’s most exotic reptiles like geckos and Bob Katter.

    Eventually, the birth certificates of all New South Welshpeople will also be updated to reflect Queensland heritage, just like bona fides such as Brad Thorn, Adrian Lam and Tonie Carroll.

    Cameron Smith Queensland Maroons State of Origin NRL Rugby League 2017

    (AAP Image/Dave Hunt)

    Following this, legislation will be brought into line with rugby league, and we will all begin following the instructions of Cameron Smith.

    This edict will then be celebrated together as one uneasy, blended family over gourmet cuisine at Hogs Breath Cafe.

    While this unfortunate takeover by Queensland has the potential to be seen as highly unpalatable and unnecessary, I, for one, welcome our new overlords.

    Remember the thrill of Mark Geyer standing over Wally Lewis? Nope, me neither.

    In saying that, I now believe Trevor Gillmeister played 12 hours after almost dying, I appreciate Paul Vautin’s views on rugby league, and why is Allan Langer constantly criticised for spending more time on the field than the referees?

    I once treasured the raspy commentary of Jack Gibson, but now everyone shut up because either Darren Lockyer is talking or the bloke next door is trimming his purple beech with an angle grinder.

    My favourite player from my home state is no longer Greg Inglis, it’s now Greg Inglis.

    Now when I think of wet hands where they shouldn’t be, I don’t think of the inappropriate conduct of Blues bonding camps, I think of Greg Dowling under the sticks at the SCG.

    And I’ve hung a picture of Barry Gomersall in my house, but I still find Bill Harrigan to be pretty grating.

    New South Wales and Queensland may go together like Julian Assange and Pamela Anderson, but we have no choice.

    This is the life of the Blues now. You don’t honestly believe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, do you?

    Dane Eldridge
    Dane Eldridge

    Dane was named best and fairest in the 2004 Bathurst mixed indoor cricket competition. With nothing in the game left to achieve, he immediately retired at his peak to a reclusive life ensconced in the velvet of organised contests. Catch the man on Twitter @eld2_0.

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    The Crowd Says (45)

    • July 13th 2017 @ 7:28am
      kk said | July 13th 2017 @ 7:28am | ! Report

      I preferred the Dane Eldridge before he was gelded.

    • July 13th 2017 @ 7:52am
      Adam said | July 13th 2017 @ 7:52am | ! Report

      Oh the irony of a bitter New southwelshma is that they forget the circumstances of which Inglis came to be a QLDer. Oh the Irony in 2006 the proud and triumphant 3 in a row NSW teams cast aside inferiour indigenous players consistently. How bitter a pill it is too swallow when indignation is born of one’s own poor judgement at the time.

      • Columnist

        July 13th 2017 @ 9:41am
        Dane Eldridge said | July 13th 2017 @ 9:41am | ! Report

        I’m not bitter, I’m a Queenslander now

        • Roar Pro

          July 13th 2017 @ 12:17pm
          J.C. said | July 13th 2017 @ 12:17pm | ! Report

          You cant just jump ship because your team is losing Dane, you have to stay true and loyal to one team, no matter what

          • July 13th 2017 @ 1:05pm
            clayts said | July 13th 2017 @ 1:05pm | ! Report

            That’s what NSWelshmen are best at though!

        • July 13th 2017 @ 12:18pm
          Sage said | July 13th 2017 @ 12:18pm | ! Report

          I don’t think so Dane. Friendly, generous and neighbourly we are but only to a point. No, you will still be relegated as a “proud” NSWelshman, just under the control of your overlords. You may receive visiting rights up here for good behaviour but that will be limited to Toowoomba where Peter Sterling will be doing tours of his home town. The paleo and latte` situation may be dire but hey, it will be an enriching relationship builder. Chin up, next year is NSW’s time. The start of a dynasty. Or the end of one. Or both. It’s confusing but you’d know which one it is this time around I’m sure

          • Columnist

            July 13th 2017 @ 1:12pm
            Dane Eldridge said | July 13th 2017 @ 1:12pm | ! Report

            Can I at least get some International Roast? I may not have entirely thought this through

            • July 13th 2017 @ 1:45pm
              Sage said | July 13th 2017 @ 1:45pm | ! Report

              C’mon man, it’s Toowoomba. Nothing overly International thanks very much.
              Are you familiar with Chicory?

        • July 13th 2017 @ 11:03pm
          Big Daddy said | July 13th 2017 @ 11:03pm | ! Report

          You realise the initiation ceremony is 24 hours at the Caxton Hotel with Alfie and the doors are locked.

    • July 13th 2017 @ 8:03am
      Bert said | July 13th 2017 @ 8:03am | ! Report

      It was good that Melbourne Storm and a few ring-ins from other clubs could beat mighty New South Wales.

      well done Storm!

      we rent our team out to Queensland for 3 weeks a year to make sure NSW realize that they are ordinary.

      • Columnist

        July 13th 2017 @ 9:03am
        Dane Eldridge said | July 13th 2017 @ 9:03am | ! Report

        Bert, I think its time the generous Victorians were granted Origin status. Freshen up the concept.

      • July 13th 2017 @ 3:59pm
        Handles said | July 13th 2017 @ 3:59pm | ! Report

        Don’t start us now Bert. We already own NSW. Victoria is just a small step further.

    • July 13th 2017 @ 9:17am
      The Brown said | July 13th 2017 @ 9:17am | ! Report

      Other than yourself Dane, it’s almost like the NSW media death ride the Blues just for the sake of a headline.
      After Game 1;
      Buzz Rothfield calling for the World Cup team to be the “KangaBlues”.
      Other Sydney spivs calling this a “Blues Dynasty”.
      And on the morning of Game 2 I hear Sydney radio hosts lamenting the fact they won’t be given the shield in front of their home fans in NSW.

      I’m not sure what the phrase is but I think it’s something to do with a cart before the horse…..NSW do it time after time after time…

      • Columnist

        July 13th 2017 @ 9:40am
        Dane Eldridge said | July 13th 2017 @ 9:40am | ! Report

        The Brown, we’ve won so many media dynasties, I might just start following that format instead. It possesses the lack of Origin reality I crave.

      • July 13th 2017 @ 10:10am
        JohnB said | July 13th 2017 @ 10:10am | ! Report

        “Hubris” might work TB!

    • July 13th 2017 @ 9:24am
      kk said | July 13th 2017 @ 9:24am | ! Report

      The simple arithmetic of it is disturbing. 17 x $30K = $510,000. What for?

      • Columnist

        July 13th 2017 @ 9:42am
        Dane Eldridge said | July 13th 2017 @ 9:42am | ! Report

        That could’ve covered the cost of my gelding

        • July 13th 2017 @ 9:55am
          kk said | July 13th 2017 @ 9:55am | ! Report

          Ripper, or should I say “Cut”

          Noticed something in telecast which may be used in evidence.

          When asked about his stay in the coach’s box, JT replied

          “Yeh, I enjoyed barking orders at Kevvie”

          Could this be a sign that the Maroon coach is a mere figurehead?

          • Columnist

            July 13th 2017 @ 10:41am
            Dane Eldridge said | July 13th 2017 @ 10:41am | ! Report

            It would be fitting as a follow-on to the Meninga/Hagan puppetry deal

        • July 13th 2017 @ 11:42am
          Big Daddy said | July 13th 2017 @ 11:42am | ! Report

          I could have a ball with $510k or two.
          Can you get reverse gelding.
          Only joking.

          • Columnist

            July 13th 2017 @ 11:51am
            Dane Eldridge said | July 13th 2017 @ 11:51am | ! Report

            Big Daddy, I am so depressed today that any enlightenment is welcomed, even if its about my balls

    • July 13th 2017 @ 10:39am
      Sarah Krause said | July 13th 2017 @ 10:39am | ! Report

      Glad to see you’re taking the loss well Dane. Now that you’re a Queenslander though, you’ll have to start saying ‘togs’, ‘tuckshop’ and ‘Milton mangoes’. Welcome!

      • Columnist

        July 13th 2017 @ 10:55am
        Dane Eldridge said | July 13th 2017 @ 10:55am | ! Report

        Thanks Sarah, much appreciated. Began integrating at 8am this morning with some of your state’s trusty rum. Things progressing well so far.

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