Well, we missed a week last week, but we’re back, bigger, brighter and better than ever.
Storm v Broncos Olympic Park, Melbourne Friday 7.35pm
Melbourne medical authorities were left red faced after suspecting a swine flu outbreak in the City that Fine Weather Forgot during the week, only to discover something far more serious.
What was revealed was in fact a disease so rare, it affects only football teams who come into contact with the germ, rendering the affected parties void of talent and unable to play to an NRL level.
When asked what this new strain was that was taking the Melbourne Storm by…well, storm, Doctors responded it was a sickness that had affected The Roosters and Eels in previous years, known to those in the Medical Industry as…Finch-flu. Seems the Broncos are immune, and will win by 40.
Tigers v Panthers Leichardt Oval, Sydney Friday 7.35pm
If you’ve wondered how long it has been since the Tigers won a game, you need have only watched the game of eye-spy played amongst some members of the team at training during the week.
After successfully pointing at Benji Marshall and shouting ‘Mistake Riddled, Overpaid, Supposed Star’ in response to Daine Laurie having spied something beginning with ‘M’ with his little eye, big bopper, Bryce Gibbs went off on a victory lap of honour, and even let off some fireworks to commemorate his win. Yep, it’s been a long time since the Tigers have had a win. But it ends this week. People’s Champion by 1.
Eagles v Roosters Brookvale Oval, Manly Saturday 5.30pm
Eager to entertain their suffering fans more this season, the Eagles have decided to open a new attraction at Brookvale, starting this weekend.
‘The Haunted House’ will be open to everyone who attends the game wearing a Manly jersey from now until the end of the season. However, there are some concerns from the club’s board, who think the house is a little too scary.
After a scouting mission to see for ourselves, Round Review’s spies can reveal the Boffins’ concerns are not without merit, as Jamie Lyon’s Origin I performance is playing on loop in every room of the house. Now THAT’S scary! These two clubs are so bad, this’ll end in a draw.
Cows v Bunnies Dairy Farmers Stadium, Townsville Saturday 7.30pm
Big news out of Townsville after the Cows’ last match was the story that Carl Webb apparently played his best football of the season in an effort to impress Ian Lenegan,the Coach of English Super League club Wigan, who was in the country to scout Webb as a potential starter in the UK next season.
After hearing of how keen Webb was to impress his new found favourite person, Cowboys officials have decided to place cardboard cut outs of some of Webb’s other favourite people in the stands, in the hope that the big fella will continue to put in whilst they watch.
So, in Bay 14, Row 1, Seats 1, 2 & 3 for this clash will sit life size lookalikes of Colonel Sanders, The Michelin Man and Jenny Craig. No stopping Webby now! Cows by 20
Sharks v Warriors Toyota Stadium, Cronulla Sunday 2.00pm
In a great example of thinking outside the box, Shark’s CEO Tony Zappia has answered the Club’s financial problems with a unique marketing idea. The Zap Zap man will charge $1 to anyone entering the Shark’s home ground or Leagues Club who thinks that serial grub, Paul Gallen is an outright knob.
With the expected income, the Sharks have rocketed up the list of Australia’s Wealthiest people, and sit just behind The Wiggles in 2nd place. Their new found wealth won’t help them in this one, Almost All Blacks by 20.
Knights v Eels Energy Australia Stadium, Newcastle Sunday 3.00pm
A huge Johnny Cash fan, Eels over rated pretender, Jarryd Hayne has signed a landmark deal with Fox Studios to play his hero in a sequel to Joaquin Phoenix’s masterpiece ‘I Walk the Line’.
This can’t miss hit will be known as ‘I Walked The Line, But Told Everyone I Didn’t, Regardless of How Obvious It Might Have Been That I Actually Did’. The critics are lining up, and will get some good practise watching Hayne play to his usual standard in this clash. Knights by 12.
Titans v Dragons Skilled Park, Gold Coast Monday 7.00pm
Top story out of Dragons-ville this week is the news that Jurassic winger, Wendell Sailor has vowed to take a pay cut to ensure the club can keep it’s bevy of young stars under the salary cap with extended deals. This was news to the club however, who were of the opinion, based on his performances so far this season, that Wendell was playing for free! Titans by 3.
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