After another depressing display of dysfunctional muscle fibre from an Australian cricketer on the weekend, I reckon it’s time to turn the heat lamp of scrutiny to Pat Howard and his team of flummoxed medicine men.
The amount of highly paid bowling firepower that has crocked on the watches of these guys shows no signs of abating. Just have a peek at this lengthening list!
Pat Cummins, James Pattinson, Josh Hazelwood, Ryan Harris, John Hastings, Shane Watson and now Ben Hilfenhaus have all left their overs columns with irritating decimal points in recent times.
Surely it’s time for a collective ‘what’s doing?’ to be boomed in the direction of those making the calls on when these blokes bowl, stretch, eat and probably scratch themselves.
It’s only natural to ask, considering that faulty fitness has caused the glaring faux pas of short-changing Michael Clarke (who in turn short-changed Shane Watson) for the second time in three Test matches by leaving him one workhorse light mid-game.
This kind of repeated inconvenience paints a foul picture for the faceless white coats and their finely crafted workload plans.
It raises serious questions, such as which Thai cosmetic surgery college did they attain their medical qualifications from? Do they diagnose using Google? Are they just dental school flunks?
Australian fans are sick of enduring heart palpitations every time they see a bowler heading off to the sheds to use the latrine or check a greyhound result. The lot of us are cowering from too much lost trundling time, rehab shoptalk and worst of all, butchered results.
Some dependability needs to be instilled. Answers are required to the current mess, and it starts at the top where the big decisions are made. And that’s Mr Howard.
On the back of an Ashes pounding and the Argus Review, the appointment of the former rugby player brought fresh optimism to Australian fans hankering for some stability.
When he hit the scene, his philosophy was to nurture our stocks with a cotton wool approach, however it seems the only soft fluff in the place now is the muscle and tissue of the quicks, and our supposed depth is suffering because of it.
What’s the use of having a much-vaunted backlog of bowling capability if the majority of them can only accelerate so much before blowing a tyre?
Things seem to be going backwards, and it’s making me think that Howard’s job title of ‘High Performance Manager’ means something different than once thought.
Performance? It seems we are still patiently waiting on that to fully flourish.
But at least he’s got the ‘high’ part right anyway, as him and his unit must be on something strong judging by the unwavering faith they place in their supposed state-of-the-art plans which produce nothing but twinges, pulls and shanks.
So what’s the answer to returning to the good old days of former methods that involved long-term health, sturdiness and resilience, the plans that were considered out-dated and ineffective when the new regime took over?
I know my medical expertise – two series of ER, a few games of ‘Operation’ and extensive reading of Panadol packets on Sunday mornings – probably doesn’t run deep enough to have the critical solution to these busted capers. But let’s at least get the conversation started in an attempt to iron out this cricketing quackery.
Do we make the bowlers bowl more net sessions? Less net sessions? Back to 1980’s basics with less mollycoddling? Do we make the batsmen bowl? Perhaps they need less Swisse?
Whatever the answer is, it needs to be implemented pronto, otherwise our bowling division could be sliced down to honest domestic cricketers doing replacement jobs for the Ferraris that are always on the hoist for re-tootling.
For Howard and the clipboard contingent, it’s time to take the medicine. We need a change in practice.
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