The Beijing Olympics: wake me when it's over

Roar Guru

23rd July, 2008

1944 Reads

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Pippinu

Roar Guru

23rd July, 2008

1944 Reads

$A photographer focuses on the National Stadium, also known as the Bird\'s Nes in Beijing. The stadium will host the opening and closing ceremonies and athletics competition at the Olympic Games, which open Aug. 8. AP Photo/Robert F. Bukaty$

I’m not the least bit excited about the Olympics. Is it because of the preponderance of absurd sports and pursuits about which ordinarily no one gives a damn?

Is it that, apart from athletics, it has the sniff of wealthy whites beating up on the rest of the world?

Is it because Australia would bother with the zippy suit when its only competition in the pool is the US?

Is it because the war on drugs reminds one of the war on terror?

Is it because it no longer rates as an event for true sports lovers?

Is it because millions of taxpayers’ money gets wasted on preparing “athletes” for events that normally we wouldn’t frequent even if they were for free?

Is it all of the above?

At the risk of labouring the point, allow me to focus on a handful of Olympic events that pretty much explain the boredom factor:

Archery
There is one positive to archery, and that is that like lawn bowls in the Commonwealth games, no matter what one’s age and general athletic ineptitude, it provides us with hope that we may yet represent our country at something half meaningful. The main problem with archery is that it is half meaningful and about as spectator-friendly as shooting, yachting, fencing and modern pentathlon (the latter looking decidedly 19th century).

Badminton
There should be a blanket ban on events that remind one of the immediate aftermath of a childhood Christmas. Add to this category totem tennis, table tennis, backyard cricket, Hookie and beach volleyball.

Synchronised Swimming
Now I like looking at women with lots of make up prancing around in swimsuits as much as the next bloke, but I draw the line at watching them shoot out of the water with the sort of gruesome grins that one associates with Boris Karloff. Add to that that I simply detest any event requiring marking by judges, which accounts for over half of the Olympic games.

Greco-Roman Wrestling
Being of Sicilian descent, I consider myself to be the archetypal Greco-Roman. Hell, I’d even put a busted up column in my backyard if I could find one. But I’m also a big fan of leaving things in their correct millennium (although a return to having athletes compete in the nude would be a welcome development).

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