It was reported in the London Times that Martin Johnson has warned his squad, the one he’s taking to Australia and New Zealand next month, to beware of distractions. What kind of distractions? Here are some quotes from the article.
– The last England tour of any length, to New Zealand in 2008, was damaged by allegations of sexual misconduct as well as two conclusive defeats by the All Blacks and Johnson does not intend anything like that should happen again.
“It’s not like the preparation for the Six Nations, there will be distractions,” the team manager said, as his players concluded a three-day camp at Twickenham. “There are pitfalls. Some could be put there deliberately. The sort of thing that happens to young men out and about in big cities.”
This sets the scene for Sydney, the night before the second test against the Wallabies. Two English squad members are walking through the Cross.
Player #1: Hey, David. Check out that fine looking lady up ahead.
Player #2: Don’t get any ideas, Chris. That could be a pitfall put there deliberately.
Player #1. Who by?
Player #2: The Wallaby management, of course. Weren’t you at the lecture?
Player #1: She looks harmless. Kind of lost and lonely.
Player #2: Forget it. Remember, you’re a young man out and about in a big city.
Player #1. Couldn’t hurt to just say hello. (to the woman). Hi there.
Woman: Hello, Ingleesh boy. My name Tanya. I zink you play zer rugby, no?
Player #1. How’d you tell?
Tanya: You wearing Gilbert Jink Pro boots. Hunnert bucks at Mick Simmons.
Player #2. Sorry, miss, we have to go.
Tanya: You don’t wanna buy me liddle drink maybe? I know nice place.
Player #2: No way. I was on the last tour Down Under and it was damaged by allegations of sexual misconduct as well as two conclusive defeats by the All Blacks.
Tanya: You go play Maori, you get another conclusive defeat.
Player #2: Wrong. We’re going to stuff the Maori.
Tanya: Like you stuffed Wallabies last week in Perth? They won 38 to 9. You call that stuffed?
Player #1. The score gave no indication of the game. Besides, tomorrow we’ll be ready for the Wallabies. In Perth they surprised us by playing Giteau, Barnes and Cooper at 5/8 all at the same time.
Tanya: Tomorrow, you lose beeg time again.
Player #2: Come on, Chris. We have better things to do that be sidetracked by a distracting pitfall.
Tanya: What you call me?
Player #2: Miss, if you think this is like the preparations for the Six Nations, you’ve got another thing coming.
They walk away.
Player #2 (visibly relieved): That was a close one. Now let’s get a mango shake and go back to the hotel.
Player #1. But it’s only 3 pm.
Player #2. (alarmed): 3 pm? Jonno’s gonna kill us.
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